Ginx's Baby [25]
I.--Parochial Knots--to be untied without prejudice. The infant borne to the workhouse of St. Bartimeus was Ginx's Baby. When he had been placed on the floor of the matron's room, and examined by the master, that official turned to the unwelcome bearer of the burden. "Did you find this child?" "Yes." "Where?" "Lying opposite my shop in Nether Place." "What's your name? " "Doll." "Oh! you're the cheesemonger. Your shop's on the other side of the boundary, in the other parish. The child ought not to come here; it doesn't belong to us." "Yes it does: it wasn't on my side of the line." "But it was in front of your house?" "Well, the line runs crossways: it don't follow the child was in our parish." "Oh, nonsense! there's no doubt about it! We can't take the child in. You must carry it away again." Mr. Snigger turned to leave the room. "Wait a bit, sir," said Mr. Doll; "I shall leave the child here, and you can do as you like with it. It ain't mine, at all events. I say it lay in your parish; and if you don't look after it you may be the worse of it. The coroner's sure to try to earn his fees. Good-night." He hurried from the room. "Stop!" shouted the master, "I say: I don't accept the child. You leave it here at your own risk. We keep it without prejudice, remember-- without prejudice, sir!--without----" Mr. Doll was in the street and out of hearing. II.--A Board of Guardians. The Guardians of St. Bartimeus met the day after Mr. Doll's clever stratagem. Among other business was a report from the master of the workhouse that a child, name unknown, found by Mr. Doll, cheesemonger, of Nether Place, in the Parish of St. Simon Magus, opposite his shop, and, as he alleged, on the nearer side of the parish boundary, had been left at the workhouse, and was now in the custody of the matron. The Guardians were not accustomed to restrain themselves, and did not withhold the expression of their indignation upon this announcement. As Mr. Doll had himself been a guardian of St. Simon Magus, it was clear to their impartial minds that he was trying by a trick to foist a bastard--perhaps his own--on the wrong parish. Mr. Cheekey, a licensed victualler, moved that the master's report be put under the table. Mr. Slinkum, draper, seconded the motion. Mr. Edge, ironmonger, pointed out that there was no parliamentary precedent for such a disposition of the report, and, further, that such action did not dispose of the baby. "Well," said Mr. Cheekey, turning painfully red, "no matter how ye put it, I move to get rid of the brat. What's the best form of motion?" A churchwarden, who happened to be a gentleman, explained that the Board could not dismiss the question in so summary a way. "He could foresee that there might be a nice point of law in the case. They would have to take some legal means of ascertaining their liabilities, and of forcing the other parish to take the child if they ought to do so. They must consult their solicitor." This gentleman was sent for post haste. Meanwhile the baby was ordered to be brought in for inspection. The matron had handed him over to a sort of half-witted inmate of the house, whose wits, however, were strangely about him at the wrong time, to nurse and amuse him. This person brought Ginx's Baby into the Board-room, and placed him on the table. The Board of Guardians took a good look at him. He was not then in fair condition. He was limp, he was dirty, hollow in the cheeks, white, stiff in his limbs, and half-naked-- (to be regardless of gender)-- "Pallidula, rigida, nudula." "Hum!" said Mr. Stink, who was a dog-breeder--"What's his pedigree?" This brutal joke was well received by some of the Guardians. "His pedigree," answered the half-wit, gravely, "goes back for three hundred years. Parients unknown by name, but got by Misery out o' Starvashun. The line began with Poverty out o' Laziness in Queen Elizabeth's time. The breed has been a large 'un wotever you thinks of the quality." This