Growing Up Laughing_ My Story and the Story of Funny - Marlo Thomas [94]
Elaine: Is this the same as the dollar?
Marlo: Forget about the dollar. This has nothing to do with the dollar. I’m just saying that, do you think our being friends made the scenes better or worse?
Elaine: You mean our scenes?
Marlo: Elaine, you’re so nervous. You’re listening so hard that it’s making you seem stupid.
Elaine: I see.
Marlo: Now, just relax and listen to me. Did we have more fun doing our scenes together because we were friends? For example, in the scene where you had to grab me by the neck and bang me up against the wall, would you have had as much fun doing that to a stranger?
In the Spirit: With Elaine—up against the wall.
Elaine: No. That’s true.
Marlo: Yes. What?
Elaine: It was more fun grabbing you by the neck and slamming you up against the wall than a stranger.
Marlo: Really? Why?
Elaine: Well . . . because you aren’t a stranger.
Marlo: Aside from that.
Elaine: There is no aside from that.
Marlo: You know, if you don’t expand on these questions it’s going to be a very boring interview. I mean, if I ask you why it was fun to grab me by the neck and bang me against the wall, you have to give me a better answer than “because you aren’t a stranger.” What else made it fun?
Elaine: Well, it was fun . . . because . . . you’re smaller than I am.
Marlo: We’ve always fought about this, Elaine. I am not that much smaller than you are. I think I’m only an inch shorter, that’s about it.
Elaine: That’s smaller.
Marlo: Well, it’s not that much smaller. It’s not small enough for you to have that smug expression on your face.
Elaine: And you’re weaker than I am. That’s always fun.
Marlo: I like the idea of myself being weak and vulnerable.
Elaine: And it’s always fun to take a weak, vulnerable person and slam them up against the wall.
Marlo: I don’t think you are going to like the way this looks in print. “It’s always fun to take a weak, vulnerable person and slam them up against the wall”? Spoken like a true guy.
Elaine: I really think it’s unfair for you to ask me if something is fun and then tell me I have to expand on it, and then when I do, you attack me for it. I mean, I barely know what I’m saying. I’m very nervous.
Marlo: Why? I don’t understand why you’re so nervous. I’m still you’re friend Marlo. This is just like we’re talking on the phone.
Elaine: No, it isn’t. You don’t call me on the phone and ask me if it was fun the last time we talked.
Marlo: No, no, but I . . .
Elaine: You are very direct on the phone. You say, “I’ve been sent two scripts. One of them is a true story of a woman who’s dying and one of them is a true story of a woman who’s paralyzed—”
Marlo: “—which one sounds like more fun?”
Elaine: What?
Marlo: I’m kidding. I’m just making a little joke. Elaine, look at how tense you are. You’re actually clutching your clothes. And you’re not breathing. That’s why you’ve stopped thinking. There’s not enough oxygen getting to your brain.
Elaine: These are very hard questions.
Marlo: Are they?
Elaine: Yes.
Marlo: All right, here’s an easier one. How do you feel about being a writer and a director in what is predominantly a white-male-dominated world?
Elaine: You mean . . . is it fun?
Marlo: No, forget fun. We’re off of fun. I mean, most of the executives, directors and screenwriters in Hollywood are men. So how do you feel about being in what is mostly a men’s club?
With Elaine, doing what we do best.
Elaine: Can we turn off the tape for a minute?
Marlo: No. Bella Abzug once said, “Real equality is going to come not when a female Einstein is recognized as quickly as a male Einstein, but when a female schlemiel is promoted as quickly as a male schlemiel.” What’s your feeling about that?
Elaine: Well, I think there are probably more female schlemiels in high positions now than when I started, although it’s true that there are no female schlemiels in the highest position. But I think that, in time, there will be.
Marlo: