Growing Up Laughing_ My Story and the Story of Funny - Marlo Thomas [95]
Elaine: It isn’t?
Marlo: No. I don’t want incompetent women to rise to the top. Look, everybody knows how I feel about this issue. How do you feel about it?
Elaine: Fine.
Marlo: You know, I really worked hard on these questions . . .
Elaine: And they’re excellent.
Marlo: Thank you. And I’d like you to work a little harder on your answers. “Yes” and “No” and “Fine” aren’t really good enough.
Elaine: Well, I just gave you some long answers and you didn’t like them.
Marlo: Well, they were terrible. Did you like them? You’ll kill yourself when you read the quote about female incompetents being promoted to high positions in time. And the one where you said it was fun to pick up a smaller person and bang them against the wall? You’ll get letters on that one.
Elaine: Can’t you cut that one out of the interview?
Marlo: No, I can’t. I mean, I could but I won’t. I’m part of the media now, Elaine. See? You’re sitting that way again. You’re all hunched over and you’re not breathing.
Elaine: Can we turn the tape off for one minute?
Marlo: No. What would you like to do next?
Elaine: Eat.
Marlo: No. I mean as an artist. Don’t cross your eyes. Just answer me. See, this is why I won’t turn off the tape or edit it. The only meaty part of this interview is your reaction to the questions you don’t want to answer. Now, I’m going to ask you again—would you like to direct? Write? Act?
Elaine: It doesn’t matter to me.
Marlo: What does matter to you, Elaine?
Elaine: Money. Living forever. And there’s a third thing.
Marlo: Money matters to you?
Elaine: Look, I don’t want to go on with this unless you promise me you’ll cut those answers out of the interview.
Marlo: All right.
Elaine: You promise? You will?
Marlo: You have my word as a reporter. Now let’s go on to another question. Are you working on something now?
Elaine: I . . . uh . . .
Marlo: You’d rather not say? Have I hit a nerve? I know when you shimmy your shoulders like that I’ve made you uncomfortable.
Elaine: Yes, it would be better for me not to say what I am working on now.
Marlo: Well, what’s left? How about your personal life? What’s the most important thing to you, personally?
Elaine: Grooming. Lifestyle. A well-decorated and gracious home.
Marlo: Well, that’s not true. I’ve seen the way you dress and I’ve been to your apartment.
Elaine: Look, you want me to expound on your questions and then you argue with everything I say.
Marlo: But it’s not the truth.
Elaine: Well, nobody tells the truth in an interview. Except people who have never been interviewed. And they only do it once.
Marlo: Elaine, Interview magazine has given me the responsibility of doing this with you. I can’t knowingly hand in answers that I know are lies.
Elaine: Why not? Don’t you tell lies in interviews?
Marlo: Of course I do. But I’m not being interviewed now. I’m interviewing. I’ve been given a sacred trust. For this moment in time, I am the media. And as my friend, I’d like you to help me.
Elaine: I have helped you. Now I’m going to eat.
Marlo: All right. Well, then, I’ll just wind up here. You say you were surprised at “the power of my acting . . .”
Elaine: Yes.
Marlo: Well, at least I got the truth out of you twice.
Chapter 46
The Storyteller—Whoopi Goldberg
It is nearly impossible not to love Whoopi Goldberg, and a good reason for that is because she’s both unusually hilarious and hilariously unusual. That voice that buzzes like an alto sax, those killer sidelong glances. Comic talent is rewarded and awarded in many ways but rarely with an Academy Award. Whoopi vaulted over that barrier when she captured the Oscar for Ghost more than twenty years ago, with her portrayal of a brazenly phony psychic. It was just one of the countless compelling characters she’s been inhabiting for the span of her career. And each one has spoken to our common humanity—our dreams, our fears, our deepest secrets. I’ve never forgotten the little girl Whoopi summoned up in her first big stage show—the one who dreamed out loud about wanting to be beautiful.