Half Moon Investigations - Eoin Colfer [53]
‘But this year he has been in for four days, and in that time he has boxed two students, one in the tummy. He stole all teacher’s chalk and ate it. I know it was him because he stuck his tongue out at me. He didn’t do any of his homework, not so much as a single sum, which is a terrible example for the other poor boys who are easily led, on account of them being thick.’
‘Herod can stand on his hands,’ said May, a witness for the defence.
‘That’s all very well, May, but he shouldn’t be doing it on his desk. No, he has to go. We can’t take any chances with our education. We start long division this year, and that’s hard enough without Master Handstand Sharkey interrupting every two minutes.’
Another girl piped up. ‘Let’s plant some money on him. Then say we saw him selling something.’
‘Very good, Amanda, but we did that already with Ernie. We have to try something new. I have an idea. Mercedes will you join me?’
Mercedes stepped smartly through the ranks.
‘Show the sisters your arm.’
‘Yes, Mademoiselle Présidente.’
Mercedes rolled up her right sleeve, revealing a mass of purple bruising.
‘Look at this,’ said April shrilly. ‘Herod Sharkey did this.’
May was horrified. ‘Really? Herod did that?’
‘Of course not, May. Don’t be soft. Mercedes’s pony threw her this afternoon, but we don’t want Bouffy to get in trouble, so we’re blaming Herod.’
Outside on the balcony, Red tapped my shoulder. ‘Are you getting this?’
I tapped the pad with my pen. ‘Every word.’
‘So the Soldier Sam walkie-talkie was a good idea?’
‘I suppose,’ I admitted grudgingly.
Inside, April was explaining her plan. ‘Tomorrow, I’ll bring poor, scared Mercedes to see Mrs Quinn and she’ll explain how Herod twisted her arm, but she was too scared to tell.’
‘I’ve learned off my bit,’ said Mercedes proudly. ‘Just like in drama class.’
‘Would everyone like to hear Mercedes’s speech?’
A chorus of yes pleases.
Mercedes smiled brightly, climbing on to the footstool.
‘OK,’ she said, shaking her fingers. ‘This is a drama exercise to get yourself in the mood. Everyone shake their fingers, as though they’re hot sausages and you’re trying to cool them down.’
Soon there was enough finger-shaking to cause a breeze. I only noticed that I was shaking too when Red slapped my hand.
‘You’re supposed to be writing.’
‘Sorry.’
‘As you’re shaking,’ continued Mercedes from her little stage, ‘say: shake, shake, shake, silly supper sausages. That’s a vocal exercise.’
‘Obviously we won’t be doing this tomorrow,’ said April, a bit miffed at losing the limelight. ‘OK, I’ll be Principal Quinn, you be you.’
April folded her arms, deepening her voice. ‘Now, Mercedes, what seems to be the problem?’
Mercedes stopped shaking. ‘Just a sec, I have to find the well of my emotions.’ She stared off into the distance, until her eyes teared up.
‘Oh, that’s very good,’ said May.
‘Thanks. I’m thinking about my puppy that got eaten by a wolf.’
May was horrified. ‘Your puppy was eaten by a wolf?’
Mercedes rolled her bleary eyes. ‘Of course not, silly, I’m an actress. Now, Mademoiselle Présidente, I’m ready.’
‘Are you sure? We won’t have time for all this tomorrow.’
‘I’m sure. Quick, before I remember that I never had a puppy.’
‘Now, Mercedes,’ said April a touch grumpily, ‘what seems to be the problem?’
‘Oh, principal,’ gushed Mercedes, ‘I can’t tell. My good and responsible friend, April, made me come here. But he will kill me if I tell.’
‘Who will kill you?’
Mercedes dragged at her cheeks. ‘Herod Sharkey… Oh no, I’ve said his name. He’ll know. That boy is the Devil.’
April placed her hands on her hips. ‘I might have known. Herod Sharkey. What has he done now?’
‘Please, Principal Quinn. You’re a woman. You understand how it is in this man’s world. We suffer in silence.’
‘Not in my school, young lady. Now, tell me what Herod did. Tell me this instant!’
Mercedes, dramatically and with much wincing, revealed the bruises on her arm.
‘He gave me a skin burn, Principal Quinn. He thinks it’s funny.’
‘Well, I never,’ said April/Principal