Half Moon Investigations - Eoin Colfer [54]
Mercedes bowed modestly to an enthusiastic round of applause.
‘We have tried to remove Herod before, but his brother Red seems to always show up in the nick of time. Like a ginger guardian angel.’
May snorted with laughter. ‘Good one. Ginger guardian angel. I must tell Red that.’
‘That is not a joke, May. Red has destroyed my plans more than once. But not this time.’
‘Because of Bouffy’s hair,’ said Mercedes, who could stay out of the spotlight no longer.
April took a laminated curl of hair from her pocket. ‘Yes, Bouffy kindly donated this lock of fake Shona’s hair, which 1 had planned to plant in Red’s gear bag, but Red got himself suspended all on his own, and by the time he comes back it will be too late for little Herod. We will have washed our hands of him.’
More applause. While they were clapping I caught up with my note-taking.
‘Herod is history,’ I muttered. ‘Another victory for Les Jeunes Étudiantes. This is dynamite.’
Red clapped me on the back. ‘We’ve got to get this to your friend Murt. One look at Queen April’s clipboard should put us both in the clear.’
I was certain of it. My gut told me that Les Jeunes Étudiantes’ various activities would tie in with our own crime list, but nothing was concrete yet. I would have to give Murt a few hours to match the crimes to the criminals. Anyway, maybe April would make it easier on us and confess to a few more stunts.
But at that moment the batteries ran low in the second Soldier Sam unit. The one inside the unicorn room.
‘More power,’ said the walkie-talkie. ‘Soldier Sam needs more power, soldier.’
‘Oops,’ said Red. ‘I think we’re rumbled.’
April Devereux tracked the noise like a cat tracks the squeak of a wounded mouse. She pounced on the walkie-talkie. She stared at it for a moment, wondering how it had got on to her bed. What was it doing there?
I scrambled to my feet. That girl was smarter than I had thought. She would figure it out.
Sure enough, the truth dawned on April. ‘Someone’s listening!’ she screeched. ‘Someone is spying on us, sisters!’
This was too much for Red. He clapped his hands and squealed in fake falsetto.
‘Someone is spying on us, sisters.’
‘There!’ shouted April, pointing. ‘On the balcony! Boys!’
‘Boys!’ They howled the word like banshees from the darkest corners of limbo.
‘That doesn’t sound very friendly,’ said Red, glancing back at me. I swear he was grinning. Grinning! ‘Come on, Half Moon, cheer up. They’re only little girls.’
Only little girls, true. But I saw under the crook of my arm that April was handing out junior golf clubs like rifles from a rack.
Her voice crackled with static over the dying speaker.
‘Get them. They’re burglars, so it’s OK to kill them, as long as it’s accidental.’
Kill us? Who were these girls?
‘Come on, Red. We need to go. If we get into a barney with a group of ten-year-old girls outside their bedroom, we’re going to look like the bad guys.’
Red’s chuckles rattled to a stop like a faulty motor. He knew exactly how the police would see this: Red Sharkey casing another house to break in to. Social services would have him in a home faster than you could recite Les Jeunes Étudiantes’ verse.
Red grabbed a unicorn horn, swinging up on to the balcony railing.
‘OK. We go. But we’re not running away, we’re…’
‘Making a tactical retreat,’ I offered.
‘A tactical retreat,’ muttered Red, followed by a give-me-patience groan.
The French windows opened behind us. Girls poured out like beetles from a crack in the wall. Their clubs were raised and their eyes were bright.
April spearheaded the attack. I saw that she had all her grown-up teeth and they seemed really big in that tiny mouth. Especially when she was snarling.
‘Come on!’ shouted Red, grabbing my collar.
April’s club swished as she swung. It was a putter. Graphite shaft. Amazing what you notice. That steel head could do some real damage to a person’s head.
Fortunately the putter missed my head, but it