Half Moon Investigations - Eoin Colfer [76]
‘I know you all think I’m crazy,’ I began, easing into it.
‘Boo,’ shouted an audience member.
‘Get on with it,’ called another.
‘When is the magician coming on?’ whinged an elderly gent in the front row. ‘I heard there was a magician.’
OK. Maybe a warm-up was a bad idea. Cut to the chase.
‘It was all about the talent show,’ I proclaimed, spreading my arms wide. It was good theatre. ‘That’s why I came here tonight, to protect a particular performer from danger.’
A rustle of whispers spread through the crowd. Someone was in danger? This just got better and better.
‘It all started twelve months ago on this very stage. Someone got beaten very badly in this competition, and someone didn’t like it.’
I moved across the stage, and hundreds of heads swivelled to follow.
‘So, let’s see who was in that competition. There was Red Sharkey, the overall winner. Red shouldn’t be here tonight, because he got himself suspended for supposedly assaulting me. So, as far as our criminal was concerned, Red was out of the picture.’
‘Which is a shame, Mama,’ interjected Red, ‘’cause I’m purty good at whut I do.’
This got a big laugh. Everyone loves a comedian.
I shot Red a disapproving look, which he naturally ignored.
‘Second place went to Mercedes Sharp, for her Britney act. But someone stole Mercedes’s karaoke minidisc, so she pulled out, presumably to concentrate on being the town gossip.’
Not strictly relevant, I know. But Mercedes had been poking fun at me for years. Judging by the round of applause, I wasn’t the only one she’d poked fun at.
‘Johnny Riordan and Pierce Bent were third. They didn’t enter this year because their DJ friend’s needles were stolen. No turntables, no act.’
I was making inroads. I could see a few thoughtful faces in the audience. Not many, but a few.
‘Fourth place went to See-saw Halpin.’
‘See-saw,’ howled fifth class as one. This happened every time his name was mentioned, which was very frustrating for his teachers, and his parents, who would really prefer that everyone called him Raymond.
‘But unfortunately, See-sa… eh, Raymond’s sister was injured this year and unable to continue his dance lessons. So See-saw is out.’
‘SEE-SAW!’
‘Fifth place went to Gretel Bannon. She didn’t enter this year, because her babysitter, Maura Murnane, was tricked into overeating and hasn’t been herself since. Without Maura, Gretel has had no one to take her to recorder class.’
It was starting to click with people now that what I was saying made real sense.
‘Fifth was Julie Kennedy, who was not allowed to enter this year because her grades fell. Her grades fell because her after-school tutor received something nasty in the mail and left town. Seven entrants for this competition, all knobbled by apparently unconnected situations. Too many coincidences. Entirely too many.’
‘So who came next?’ called a voice from the back of the hall.
The obvious question. I was hoping someone would ask it. I paused before answering. Whatever I said next would change my life. Someone I liked a lot would be hurt. Forever. For there was no chance that I was wrong. I knew who the guilty party was.
‘May Devereux,’ I whispered into the wire mesh of the microphone head.
A collective oooh rose from the audience. I didn’t blame them. This was good stuff for five euro.
‘Fletcher, what are you saying?’
May had pushed her way on to the stage. With her dance costume, blonde hair and wobbling lip, she looked the picture of innocence. I would have less trouble convincing a Trekkie that Spock was an impulsive hothead. Still, I only needed to convince one person.
‘Are you saying that I did all those things? Is that what you mean?’
I turned, blocking the sparkle of her costume from my vision. What I was doing was cruel, but it had to be done. This had to stop tonight.
‘That’s exactly what I mean, May.’
She took a step to the left, her sequins glinting. ‘Why can’t you look at me, Fletcher? Is