Half Moon Street - Anne Perry [94]
What else had she done? Had she somehow caused Samuel to come at five in the afternoon, uninvited? And then he had behaved as if Caroline had summoned him.
As she stood in the hall, her thoughts racing, there was a certainty growing in her mind which she did all she could to suffocate, drive out of existence. She must learn the truth, and that must be from Samuel himself.
If only Charlotte or Emily were there, she would take one of them with her. As it was she would have to go alone. She dreaded it so much it must be done immediately, before she could think about it and lose her courage. Joshua would never understand. This might make it all even worse. He would think she was chasing after Samuel, after he had forbidden him the house.
And what would Samuel himself think? That made her cold to the pit of her stomach.
Yet to leave it as it was would be worse. There was no point in asking the old lady. She would never tell the truth.
She put on her hat and coat, informed the parlormaid she was going out, and left.
The journey was terrible. Half a dozen times she nearly lost her nerve and told the hansom driver to take her home again, but the knowledge of the days and weeks ahead of loneliness, of never being able to understand or tell Joshua the truth, was enough to spur her on.
She arrived at the hotel where Samuel was staying and went to the desk. She asked for him and was told he was in the lounge. She allowed the bellboy to conduct her through.
Samuel was reading the newspaper. There were three other men in the room, all equally absorbed. She forced herself to be calm and walked over to him.
He glanced up, then recognized her, and the color burned up his face.
It was too late to run, as she would have. For a moment she could hardly breathe.
He stood up. “Good morning, Mrs. Fielding,” he said stiffly.
She could feel her face flame. “Good morning, Mr. Ellison. I am sorry to intrude on your time in this way, most particularly after our last parting.” That was an extraordinary understatement of events. “But there are too many things that I do not understand, and I fear my mother-in-law may have been meddling with the intention of causing trouble. I do not yet know why.”
He looked confused and more than a little embarrassed. “I . . . if . . . of course. If you believe it will help?”
“I do.” She sat down without waiting to be invited, smoothing her skirt self-consciously. She was intensely aware of his presence within a few feet of her. She wondered if he felt as aware of her.
“I’m sorry.” He apologized for the oversight in his manners, then sat down sharply himself.
This was dreadful.
They both started to speak at once, she to ask why he had called. She never knew what he was about to say.
They both stopped.
“I’m sorry . . .” He colored deeply, but he did not move his eyes from her face.
She looked down at her hands. “Why did you come yesterday afternoon? I had the impression you thought I expected you.”
“You had the impression?” His voice rose in disbelief.
“Yes.” She avoided looking up. “Was I mistaken?”
She heard the crinkle of paper and saw it in front of her. It was held in his hand, pushed forward.
She read it with horror that crawled over her skin and left her cold. She found her voice hoarse when she tried to speak.
“I didn’t write that!” Dear God, he had to believe her. And yet her first thought was to pray that Joshua had not seen it. He would be so hurt, so . . . betrayed. “I did not write that!” She looked up and met his eyes. She was angry now, not for herself but for Joshua. “It was my mother-in-law who sent the manservant for Joshua to come home. I believe it was she who wrote the note to you as well.” She kept it in her hand and stood up. “I am very sorry. Please believe me, I am! I like you, I enjoy your company, but whatever I had felt, I would never have written a letter like that. I apologize that you were misled by a member of my family, and for the embarrassment it has