Happily Ever After_ - Benison Anne O'Reilly [91]
Alex brought me back from my thoughts into the real world: ‘Well, can’t you just leave him? He’s given you enough reason over the years. Just say you want to live apart and I’ll stay in the background for six months or so and then we can pretend to start something after that. Then we could move in together - you, me and Isabel - I know you come as a package deal.’
‘Yes, I suppose that might work, although…’
‘Stop thinking of excuses or I’ll think you don’t mean it. Please think about it. I can’t do this for much longer.’
We’d had limited time together because I had to pick up Isabel by 5.30pm but in the end we showered, separately, and checked out early. Our hearts were no longer in it. Isabel wanted to chat on the drive home, but I managed to pacify her with a Play School CD to sing along with. My temples throbbed from the sheer weight of thoughts crowding my brain.
Could it be possible? Could I leave Tony for Alex and get away with it? Did I have the courage? More to the point, did I have the selfishness? I had told Alex that the only thing keeping Tony and me together was Isabel. That had been true a few months ago, but was it now? Tony seemed to be genuinely committed this time and perhaps it was time to forgive him and do the same. My child deserved that. My marriage deserved that. As curious as it seemed for a woman in my current position I had taken my wedding vows seriously.
But the thought of giving up Alex seemed unbearably painful. Perhaps I was in love with him after all…
And what if he took it badly? No, there was no ‘if’ - I knew he would. He might tell Tony anyway to spite me and then I would lose both of them…and Isabel…
Oh God - you are a fucking idiot Eleanor. What a fine mess you’ve got yourself into.
I was expecting to find Tony covered in his usual film of paint dust when we got home but he was freshly showered and dressed and had a bottle of champagne, Bollinger in fact, on ice. Something big was up.
‘I have the best news. I got an email from management today approving my transfer back to the passenger fleet.’
‘What?’ I said. ‘How long have you known about this? Why didn’t you tell me this was on the cards?’
‘I didn’t think it was on the cards. Some vacancies came up in the 747 fleet and I applied on the off chance, but not expecting it to happen. We’ve lost quite a few guys already from the Sydney base so I didn’t think they’d let me go. Anyway for whatever reason they’ve turned around and given the okay. I’ve given up trying to predict how management are going to act.’
‘But that means you will need to be based in Hong Kong, doesn’t it? So you want us to live apart?’
Could this be my out?
‘No, of course not, I want us to live there. That’s why I’ve been keen to finish the house. I mean we could rent it out but then tenants might not look after it. The market is hot at the moment and it would be better to sell and invest the money. Cathay will subsidise our accommodation in Hong Kong. There’s a great expat community there. I’m sure you’ll like it.’
‘And what about me? What about my job?’
‘Well there’d be lots of positions in Hong Kong but I thought you might want to use it as an opportunity to have another baby. Mum says that Isabel is getting a bit spoilt now and needs a new brother or sister to settle her down.’
‘Oh does she now! Well when we have babies things don’t seem to go so well for us so you can see why I might be reluctant.’
‘But we would have a maid in Hong Kong. Things will be much easier for you.’
‘I can’t believe you didn’t even think to tell me that this was a possibility. This is a huge life change. When are you ever going to learn that marriage is about communication?’
I ran into the bedroom and lay on our bed and started sobbing