Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [10]
Critics will say, “But won’t you make your child feel bad and guilty?” I hope so! It’s important to have a little guilt in life. And feeling bad can accomplish a heap of good.
Just wait and see.
Uh-oh, caught me. But I’m sure glad you did. I thought I was such a great mom. My parents were so authoritarian that I said I’d never be like them. I didn’t realize that I’d gone the entirely opposite way. I hardly ever say no to my kids. I’ve been running ragged just to make them happy, and they’re still not happy. Everybody tells me how much I’m doing and what a great mom I am for doing all this stuff, but I know the truth: I have a hard time standing up for myself. No more. A week ago I adopted your principles of “Say it once, turn your back, and walk away.” They really, really work. I’m stunned. My son willingly took out the garbage yesterday, even without me asking him, and my daughter brought bread home from the store just because she noticed we were low. I can’t believe the change!
Millie, North Carolina
I attended your seminar about changing a child’s behavior last week, and it was even more powerful than I realized! My week has been so peaceful and easy with my 3 kids (14, 8, and 6)! My children have responded wonderfully. And I’ve changed too. Not only am I setting limits for them, I’m doing it with compassion. No yelling at all, and for me that is just too wonderful not to let you know.
Delighted in Georgia
I love listening to you—especially your humor and personal stories (like the one about hawking a gob out the window and your son copying you). They make me laugh. But they also helped my wife and me come to a very important decision. I had just lost my job and didn’t see anything on the horizon in our immediate area. My wife has had a job and loved it for years. So now I’m a stay-at-home dad for our son . . . and loving every minute of it. It’s the best decision we ever made, and it saved us a lot in day-care costs too.
Stephen, Michigan
I’ve cried, I’ve prayed, I’ve thrown up my hands, but nothing worked . . . until now. Your “B doesn’t happen until A is completed” has turned around my relationship with my children. The first three days I used the principle I felt terrible, because I wasn’t used to being consistent on anything. But when I saw the changes in just three days, that spurred me on to finish the job. I now can take my 2 toddlers to my girlfriends’ without fear of embarrassment or having to listen to them scream. My 3-year-old walked up to me and asked yesterday, “Mom, may we have a snack?” This coming from the girl who would have ordered me a week ago, “Get me a snack!” It works! It’s the answer to my prayers.
Kendra, Texas
Tuesday
Disarming the Dude (or Dudette) with the ’Tude
Want a kid with real character who isn’t a character?
Here’s how.
My wife, Sande, always prayed for a man with character. And she got a character all right. Me.
That’s what many children are today—characters. Perhaps that’s why numerous studies show that the top 3 long-term concerns of parents have to do with a new kind of ABCs:
• Attitude
• Behavior
• Character
When the rubber meets the road, these are the things that matter most. These are the things that will continue into adulthood and make your child someone worthy of trust . . . or not. Someone who acts with kindness and respect toward others . . . or not. Someone who is honest . . . or not.
It’s All in the Attitude
Attitude is the entrée into a child’s head and heart. What your child thinks about herself—how she views herself and what happens to her—speaks loudly through her behavior.
Did you know, Mom and Dad, that one child just looking at another sibling can be a criminal offense? Consider these family felonies:
• “He looked at me!”
• “She wore my jacket and ripped it—on purpose!”
• “You never yell at him. He gets away with everything.”
• “How come she gets to go? You never let me go.”
• “Hey! How come her piece is bigger?”