Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [111]
If you use these principles consistently and alwaysfollow through on what you say you will do, you will have a different child on your hands by Friday. And you willhave a smile on your face most of the time. I guarantee it!
The key to any action plan is consistency and follow-through. So many parents I’ve talked to say they’ve tried everything—spanking, taking away allowances, withholding privileges, etc. They’ve read all the books and consulted a bunch of experts, and nothing works.
But what they’ve been trying to do is similar to a frog jumping from lily pad to lily pad and never landing on any particular one for long. Is it any wonder that both children and parents are exasperated? So much confusion is created by the parents “switching the plan” continually to try to find something that works better. The Leman strategy is simple. Say it once. Turn your back. Walk away. Let reality be the teacher. Learn to respond rather than react. B doesn’t happen until A is completed.
It’ll win the game every time. Guaranteed.
The Top Ten Countdown
to Having a New Kid by Friday
10. Be 100 percent consistent in your behavior.
9. Always follow through on what you say you will do.
9. Always follow through 8. Respond, don’t react.
7. Count to 10 and ask yourself, “What would my old self do in this situation? What should the new me do?”
6. Never threaten your kids.
5. Never get angry. (When you do get angry, apologize quickly.)
4. Don’t give any warnings. (If you warn your child, you’re saying, “You’re so stupid, I have to tell you twice.”)
3. Ask yourself, “Whose problem is this?” (Don’t own what isn’t yours.)
2. Don’t think the misbehavior will go away.
1. Keep a happy face on, even when you want to . . . do something else.
Notes
1. Anne Ortlund, Children Are Wet Cement (Backinprint.com, 2002).
2. “Mountain or Molehill?” quiz answers
“Mountain or Molehill?”
*Randy—molehill
*Jennifer—molehill
*Sam—mountain
*Mandy—mountain
3. The points for these three types of parents are taken from Dr. Kevin Leman, Making Children Mind without Losing Yours (Grand Rapids: Revell, 2000), 127.
4. J. Neusner, quoted in Malcolm Stevenson Forbes Jr., “As Undergraduates Recommence Their Efforts,” Forbes, October 1981.
Their Efforts,”
5. “Facts Every Parent Should Know,” Max homepage, http://www.max.com/site/maxprotect.shtml.
6. Donna Rice Hughes, Enough Is Enough homepage, http://www.enough.org (accessed August 20, 2007).
7. Ibid. For further information and valuable resources, go to http://www.protectkids.com.
8. Luke 15:11–32.
Index of A to Z Topics
About Dr. Kevin Leman
An internationally known psychologist, radio and television personality, and speaker, Dr. Kevin Leman has taught and entertained audiences worldwide with his wit and commonsense psychology.
The bestselling and award-winning author has made hundreds of house calls for radio and television programs, including The View with Barbara Walters, Today, Oprah, CBS’s The Early Show, Live with Regis Philbin, CNN’s American Morning, and Life Today with James Robison. Dr. Leman has served as a contributing family psychologist to Good Morning America.
Dr. Leman is also the founder and president of Couples of Promise, an organization designed and committed to helping couples remain happily married. He is a founding faculty member of iQuestions.com.
Dr. Leman’s professional affiliations include the American Psychological Association, the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists, the National Register of Health Services Providers in Psychology, and the North American Society of Adlerian Psychology.
In 1993, he was the recipient of the Distinguished Alumnus Award of North Park University in Chicago. In 2003, he received from the University of Arizona the highest award that a university can extend to its own: the Alumni Achievement Award.
Dr. Leman attended North Park University. He received his bachelor’s degree in psychology from the University of Arizona, where he later