Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [30]
“We give all three of our kids—who are 12, 14, and 16—the same amount of allowance every week. But our 16-year-old is constantly asking to borrow money from our 12-year-old . . . and getting it.
Should we give more to the 16-year-old because he’s older, or keep the amount consistent so we’re fair to all 3 children?”
“Our 2 children, ages 11 and 13, are vastly different in personality. Jen, our older child, is a real worker. After she’s done her regular chores, she always pitches in and does extra ones if she sees other things that need to be done. Mark, our younger child, has to be prodded from his PlayStation several times in order to get even his own chores done. I was raised with a brother, and everything was ‘even Steven’ in our home. But it always drove me crazy when I did all the work and got the same allowance as my younger brother. I don’t want to make Mark feel inferior by giving him less money than his sister. Help! What should we do?”
Giving allowances is one of those areas that influence many other areas, so I’ll spend a little more time on it than on some of the other topics. Why? Because the money a child has at his fingertips, how he has received that money, and how he views that money affect not only what he’s able to buy or save but how he feels about himself.
What’s an allowance for? In my view, an allowance is part of a family’s recreational budget. It’s one of the perks of being a member of the family.
This is a very different view than mostof us grew up with. Remember the chore list on the refrigerator? We all groaned about it, but we did it (unless we could get our little sister to do it for us on the sly), because it was the only way we could get paid. The list went something like this:
Clean your room. 50¢
Set the table. 10¢
Feed and walk the dog for a week. 50¢
Clean out the garage. $1
Take out the garbage. 20¢
Doing those chores directly related to how much money we received in our allowance each week.
But here’s what I’m suggesting: every family member should automatically receive an allowance from the family’s recreational budget. That means everyone, as part of their “perk” for being in the family, has money to spend. I know some of you are thinking, I can’t afford an allowance. The reality is that all parents spend money on their children, so “I can’t afford it” doesn’t fly with me. Just take what you’d spend on the child for lunch, clothing, etc., and lump it all together as the allowance money. That doesn’t cost you any more money than you’re already spending, and it will teach your child responsibility.
Some family members, due to age and abilities, will have more work to do than others. For instance, you wouldn’t expect a 6-yearold to do the same kind and quality of work that you would expect from a 14-year-old. But by the same token, the older child also has some perks that the younger child doesn’t have—for example, a later bedtime and the freedom to go out with friends.
I suggest that you start a child with an allowance around the age of 5. Give the child, say, 5 quarters ($1.25 per week). There’s nothing more wonderful to a child than to have something of her own, and shiny quarters are like gold to a young child. Age 5 is also a good age at which to begin teaching the value of money—what a penny, nickel, dime, quarter, and dollar are worth and what they can buy. Go to the bank together and start a savings account for the child. Invest in a money market account or a stock, if you are able to do so. (It’s amazing how small amounts can grow, and it’s wonderful for a child to see this on a quarterly or yearly basis).
If a child wants to spend money on something above the cost of what he has in his allowance, do not pad his allowance money.
Have the child wait to purchase that item until he has enough