Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [47]
You can’t always control the number of gifts your child receives since some of those gifts are from other people, but you can do this:
whenever you open your gifts, have one person open one gift at a time so the children aren’t just going from thing to thing, ripping packages open wildly and not even considering who gave the gift or how much sacrifice went into giving it. Many families also insist that before that gift is played with, the child needs to thank the giver (whether in person, by note, or with a phone call).
Let’s face it. We all know children who are never thankful. No gift they receive is ever enough or good enough. A well-to-do father approached me a couple years ago, torn about what to do with his daughter. He admitted that he has a lot of money and that he has showered her with presents. Anytime she wanted to drive the posh family car, she got it. She was always going out with friends, shopping, going to lunch. Basically she was a wild hair doing whatever she wanted to do. She was mouthy, calling her mom “bleepin’ b—h” and her father other choice words when she didn’t get what she wanted.
This year she announced that she wanted an iPhone for Christmas.
And the father didn’t know what to do. He had always flooded her with designer this and that for her birthday, Christmas, and many times in between. But, to put it bluntly, she had turned into a brat.
I suggested to the father that instead of putting a Christmas present under the tree, he should put a letter that said this:
Because we love you so much, your Christmas gift is this letter. There will be no iPhone and no other gifts this year. This is a year where you need to sit back and think about how you treat your parents, your sister, your brother, and your friends at school.
Love, Mom and Dad
The father gulped and turned a little pale, but he did it. And that Christmas morning, he got the message across to his daughter that he loved her but that he would not tolerate her behavior any longer.
What do your children really need this Christmas? I’ll answer that question with this little anecdote. I write a weekly column for a Tucson, Arizona, newspaper. One year they asked me to write on this topic: “What does your wife want most for Christmas?” My answer? “To be treated with kindness and respect all year long.” Evidently that column had an impact because I received a lot of letters about it. An insurance sales guy even stopped me at a ball game to tell me what a great piece of advice that was and how much he needed it. “I make a lot of money,” he admitted, “and I give my wife a lot of things. But I’ve taken too many liberties with her in too many areas. I have not respected her or treated her kindly. It took that article to make me realize that things really don’t matter. My wife needs my respect, love, kindness . . . and time. You’ve opened my eyes.”
What do children need way more than the “gimmes”? They need parents who will respect them, treat them kindly (and help them learn to treat others likewise), and give them the gift of their time. Those are gifts of a lifetime, not trinkets that will rust or break.
Common Courtesy
This one doesn’t need any examples, because you know exactly what I mean. Whatever happened to common courtesy these days? It always astounds and annoys me as a car-pool dad when I drive a child home in my car after an activity and don’t even receive a “Thanks, Mr. Leman, for taking me home.” Isn’t that basic manners? I wonder to myself.
Contrast that with my little grandson, Conner, who, ever since he was 3, always thanks his grandma and me without prompting from his mother every time he comes over to play. He thanks us when we get him a drink or his favorite cookie.