Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [46]
Every child will forget every once in a while. When a child forgets, it’s not a mountain, so don’t make it one. Simply say, “Honey, I know you must have hurried off to school because you forgot to walk the dog. I saw that Rosie was doing the potty dance, so I took her out myself.” Much of the time, the child will respond, “Oh, thanks, Mom. I did forget. I’m so sorry!” and that’s the end of it. The next day he’ll remember.
But if forgetting to walk the dog becomes a constant thing, you need to do something different to get your child’s attention. The best thing I’ve found is to hit the child financially in the pocketbook. There are no warnings, no threats, no whining, no fighting. Simply pay someone else (or yourself, if there is no one else) for doing that task, then deduct the money from the child’s allowance. Your message will get across, loud and clear. Family—and what the family needs to get done—must come first.
This mom’s action reaped swift results:
“Jason is supposed to take the garbage out every week. When he didn’t do it for the third week in a row, my girlfriend gave me an idea that she used with her teenage son to get the point across. She collected all the garbage from the house and outside garbage cans and put it in her son’s room after he’d left for school. She closed his bedroom door and left the stinky garbage in his room all day. By the time he came home, it smelled really rank in there. I tried the same thing with Jason. Hey, a desperate mom’s gotta do what she’s gotta do! He got the picture, especially when his girlfriend just happened to walk home with him after school that day. That was 6 months ago, and since then he always remembers Monday is trash day. He’s usually up a little early to get it out the door. When Jason found out I meant business, he stopped complaining about other things I asked him to do too.”
Christmas Gifts (the “Gimme Gimme” Syndrome)
“It never stops. Even before Thanksgiving, she’s got a list of things she wants that’s several pages long.”
“My boss gave his son a motorcycle for Christmas. And his son is only 17!”
Children get far too many things these days, especially children in middle income and affluent homes. It’s the smart parent who’s able to discern the difference between what children need and what they want.
“I cringe every time I’m at my in-laws’ for Christmas,” Jill told me. “Everyone rips open presents all at once and it’s over within 5 minutes . . . except for the complaining they do about the presents they didn’t want.”
In today’s materialistic society, children see—and thus want—more and more things. But does that mean they should get them? These days, children tend to be less and less thankful because they receive so much.
What does Christmas really mean to you? Do you want your children to think it’s all about “gimme gimme”? Or do you want your children to understand what giving and sacrifice is all about?
I suggest to parents that they minimize the number of gifts that kids are given. The Billings family, for example, has 3 children. Each of the children receives a large gift, which has been thoughtfully considered for its long-term value, and a stocking stuffer. Their 9-year-old received a mandolin and lesson books and tapes, which she’d been dreaming about. Their 10-year-old got ice skates and a 6-month membership at the local skating rink. Their 13-year-old got a gift certificate for a week of horse camp the following summer. Such gifts show just how well the parents know their children and will value lasting experiences instead of spending money on plastic toys that will break or get lost.
One of the things we Lemans have always done as a family is to help a needy