Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [45]
If your child begs for a cell phone, consider these things:
1. Does she really need a cell phone to contact you? Or is it just to be “cool”?
2. How responsible is your child? Will she keep track of the cell phone or leave it somewhere?
3. Who is going to pay for the cell phone? If it’s your child’s, she should pay for not only the cell phone itself (that will tell you how badly she wants it, if it has to come out of “her” money) but also the monthly bill when she racks up too many charges texting her friends. If she needs to call you, you could pay for the flat rate but never for any charges beyond that. If she doesn’t pay the bill, the cell phone is discontinued.
4. Having a cell phone encourages even more telephone time with friends. Is your child doing well in school? Is she getting her homework done? Is she a responsible family member, helping out when things are needed?
A cell phone should be a perk, not a given. With it comes extra responsibility.
Cheating
“I was shocked when I got a note from Kent’s teacher. She had given him an F on his biology exam because she caught him cheating with his cell phone. When I asked him if it was true, he admitted it. At least he was honest about that!”
Well, they say confession is good for the soul, so here goes. I would still be in Latin 1 if it weren’t for a guy named Carl Maahs. When it came to exam time, I simply said, “Hey, Maahs, would you lower your left shoulder?” If not for his kind gesture, I’d still be in that class. I was taking it as a sophomore in high school, and I’d already flunked it twice.
Then there was my sociology class when I was a freshman in college. Some unnamed woman, God bless her, had a very natural slouch. That slouch helped me pass my final exam. During that class, we’d studied the Dobu Zuni and Kwakiutl Indians. Our teacher was one of those deep thinkers talking to the babbling brook. He might as well have been speaking in Arabic for all the good it did me.
Let’s be honest. Everyone has cheated sometime. So when a child is caught cheating, it’s good to come alongside her and establish what I call equality. Tell your child, “Hey, I’ve been there. There have been times in my life when I’ve cheated too. All I can tell you is that it doesn’t make you feel good after the fact, and you end up paying for it. Sometimes you pay for it by having someone flunk you in their course or sue you for plagiarism. It’s just not worth it. ”
It’s also important to own up to your own feelings about the matter. “Honey, I’m disappointed in what you did. I wish you wouldn’t have done it.” Note that there is a big difference between saying you’re disappointed in what they did and saying you’re disappointed in who they are. Your child needs to know that you love him no matter what—but sometimes you don’t like what he does.
If a child repeatedly cheats, the smart thing for a parent to do is to put the ball back in the school administration’s court. Let them pronounce a just sentence on your son or daughter. My experience has been that when a stranger or someone outside the family administers discipline, it usually carries a little more weight . . . and fear.
Cheating is a molehill, not a mountain—unless it’s a repeated behavior. The smart parent doesn’t hold a onetime event like cheating over their child’s head. Just address it and move on.
Chores
“Ah, Mom, do I have to?”
“I’m so sick of doing all the work around here.”
Every household has tasks that need to get done, and every family member needs to pitch in and help. That means everyone from the youngest child to the oldest child to the parents. There are a lot of things young children