Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [52]
There may be a chorus of groans from the class. “But it’s time for recess!” someone may say.
“Yes, it is,” the teacher was to say. “And recess will be 10 minutes shorter because of Jake’s display.”
I assured them that peer pressure—having all the kids upset about a shorter recess—would then take over and finish the job.
And it did. Beautifully.
Driving
“My daughter, who is a really responsible teen, started driving when she was 16. My son is turning 16 in a month, and all of his friends already have their licenses. But I’ll be honest. It scares the pants off me to think of Evan driving a car. He’s so spacey and can’t keep track of anything. His dad is convinced he’ll park somewhere and just ‘lose’ the car, not to mention go through a bunch of gas caps. But he’d be embarrassed if we said no to getting a license, especially since all his friends have one, not to mention his sister did at his age. What should we do?”
“I told her she couldn’t take the car to the mall, but she did anyway. Did she think I wouldn’t miss it or something? I’m trying to think of an appropriate punishment, but I’m so angry I can hardly think. Help!”
“We were stunned when our son Rick was escorted home by our hometown cop last night. He and three of his friends had been pulled over because the cop saw them cruising the highway and got suspicious. Rick claimed that even though the other kids had been drinking, he hadn’t. The alcohol-level test proved him right, but still, he was the driver. He’s 17, and his friends are still 16. How could he be so stupid? We are embarrassed beyond belief. If it were up to my husband, Rick wouldn’t drive for the rest of his life.”
My dad graduated from only the eighth grade, but he was a pretty smart guy. I was a real jerk as a kid, but believe me, I knew Dad’s rules that governed the use of the family car. They were emblazoned in black-and-white.
1. You can’t ever have more than one other kid in the car with you without my express permission.
2. You cannot leave the village and drive in the city without my permission.
The rules were so clear-cut, they were one of the few things I didn’t test. I knew my dad would be as firm as cement about them.
Driving is a privilege, not a given. Some teens are ready to drive at 16; others, like Evan, should wait a little longer until their heads are firmly connected to their actions. And a teen who violates a parent’s edict about driving the car isn’t to be trusted. The keys should be taken away from her, and she shouldn’t drive for a set period of time. Her privileges should be suspended for defiance and lack of responsibility.
Am I being too harsh? Think of it this way: if your child defies you on important things like driving a car, would it be smart to let him keep driving? If he defies you, he’s saying, “You know, Mom (or Dad), you really don’t matter. I don’t care what you say. And I don’t respect you.” Is that the kind of kid you want driving your $32,000 auto with liability insurance of $100,000?
Certainly not. This is the time for tough love. Give the teen a suspension of privileges and some think time. This is one behavior you need to deal with while the horse is still in the barn.
Should you take away his driving privileges for life? No, that would be impractical. Think about how complicated your life is, then add to it the time needed to drive your teen where he needs to go (such as an after-school job).
But driving is clearly an adult responsibility. If your child is not ready for such responsibility, he should not be driving. If any alcohol is involved (as in the case with Rick), there should be a much longer suspension period, since any facet of drinking and driving is indeed a serious one.
Drugs and Alcohol
“I couldn’t believe it when the principal called to say that he’d caught Seth and some other boys smoking marijuana after school. My son