Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [59]
Under no circumstances should you ever allow a child to hit you. I watched once as a 6-year-old smacked her pregnant mom right in the stomach, and her mother only said, “Oh, you’re just mad. You don’t mean that!”
Many parents think that children—especially young children—don’t know what they’re doing when they hit you. That’s debatable. But whether or not it’s true, you cannot allow such behavior to continue. If your 11-month-old hits you in the face, hold her arms down firmly and encircle her arms with yours so she can’t hit you again. Reinforce your action with kind but firm words. Softly say to her, “Don’t hit. Mommy doesn’t like being hit.” Draw a line as early as possible in your relationship that hitting is not acceptable. And most of all, never hit back. (Spanking deliberately to change a child’s actions, for those of you who are comfortable with that, is a very different action than hitting back as an unthinking response. See “Spanking.”)
If you want a perfect child, go find a mannequin. Children don’t come in mannequin style. Parenting is all about the relationship you have—one that’s built upon love, mutual respect, and cooperation. Allowing your home to be a hit-free zone and addressing hitting when it does happen is crucial in establishing a safe environment.
Homeschooling
If you’re a homeschooler, you may have read the homework section and already be bristling at the thought that someone else would be a better teacher than you. If you’re a homeschooler, I applaud you. Most homeschoolers I know are very dedicated and passionate people. It takes a certain type of personality for a parent to be able to homeschool effectively (and also a certain personality of the child).
When Sande and I were in the throes of raising our 5 children, we discussed schooling options. Our “discussion” went something like this.
“What about homeschooling?” I asked.
“What?” Sande said.
That was the end of the discussion.
When you’re a homeschooler, you are the teacher. But that doesn’t mean you should be “on” as teacher 24-7. You have additional challenges because you are both parent and teacher and the classroom is your home. Often you are so close to the situation that it’s more difficult to come up with consequences for children not following through on assignments, not getting to the table on time for school, etc. Effective homeschoolers keep to a strict schedule (say 9 to noon for a school day). They have a room of their home set aside for school. The door is open right before school is to start in the morning and closed after school is over. There’s no dawdling over breakfast or snack time to delay the start of the school day. If a child shows up late for breakfast and thus is late for school, there’s a penalty (such as working longer when siblings are outside playing). The most important thing for a parent is to have an end to the school day. After all, don’t teachers in other schools stop working and go home for the day? When your classroom is your home, you can’t leave the building physically. But you can leave the classroom mentally and emotionally.
It’s also important to keep the ball for homework in your child’s court. Whenyou’re done with school for the day, you’re done. Again, if the homework is assigned to the child, who should be doing it? Not you. So don’t involve yourself. (Would you phone a teacher from a public or private school for help with homework at night? Then don’t make yourself available either.)
If you are butting heads with your son regarding getting homework done, ask another homeschooling parent to work with your child, and do the same for that parent’s child. Swapping tutorial skills is a wonderful option for homeschoolers. If one of your children