Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [72]
Then again, every computer has that history button. Smart parents will use it to protect their children.
Name-Calling
“The playground monitor called me at home because my third grade son called another boy ‘fatso’ and made him cry. I was so embarrassed I didn’t know what to say. Why would Luke say that? Luke’s no skinny kid either!”
“I spent my entire childhood with kids in the neighborhood who called me names because I was a different race than everyone else. So it really got to me when my daughter went to kindergarten and came home saying, ‘Mommy, what’s a spik? Some kid called me a spik.”
Why do kids call each other names?
People who label others do so to feel better about themselves. Name-callers may look big and bossy, but underneath, they’re insecure. Still, they can do a lot of damage to other children unless they’re stopped.
If your child calls another child a name, you can’t afford to let that behavior slide. You need to bring your child to a screeching stop.
“Do you feel bad about yourself?” you need to ask.
“What are you talking about?” the kid sputters.
“You just put your brother down. You called him a _–––––––. People who do that don’t feel good about themselves. It bothers me that you apparently don’t feel good about yourself.”
Kinda takes the fun away from the kid’s name-calling, don’t you think? All of a sudden it registers in the child’s mind, If I put my brother down, I’m telling people I don’t feel good about myself? Huh?
Children in general are blunt. They will sometimes say things that hurt others out of ignorance or naïveté. But any parent knows the difference in honestly speaking out of turn just because you’re curious (“Mommy, why is that woman’s face and body all black? Is she black on her belly too, or white, like mine?”) and choosing to name-call and hurt another person. It’s all in the attitude.
Kids can be especially hurtful when it comes to race, ethnicities, and physical characteristics. One little girl was told she couldn’t play with her classmates because she didn’t have blond hair like them. Another boy was told that his ears were “funny,” and he spent the next 3 years begging his parents for surgery on his ears so that he could look normal.
When I was a kid, there was a girl in my class whose nose closely resembled a pig’s. Everyone called her “pig face.” Can you imagine? That poor girl! I cringe today when I think about what she went through. What her classmates said in jest must have driven her to despair. Kids can be downright cruel. Don’t allow your child to be! And if he is a name-caller, you have to address it now. Don’t wait and let your child prey on someone else.
If your child is the one on the receiving end of the name-calling, encourage her. “Honey, I know that what she said had to hurt, but I’m proud of the way you handled that situation. What you chose to say and the story you told that girl really painted a wonderful picture of what friendship should be like.” Saying that you are proud of the way your child responded will outweigh the hurt of the name-calling and does more to restore your child’s self-concept than anything else you can do as a parent (as much as you want to stomp over to the other child’s house and let her have it).
By doing so, you’re teaching your child that, yes, sometimes people will mistreat you. But it’s how you react to that situation that makes you different. If you take the high road, you’ll win out in the long run.
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