Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [88]
Saying Thank You
Saying thank you is a common courtesy. Everyone should say thank you. That includes parents and children. But saying thank you doesn’t come naturally. Every 2- and 3-year-old couldn’t care less about others unless a parent teaches him to do so. And if 2-year-olds are not taught to say thank you, they won’t automatically learn to say thank you as teens either.
It always annoys me, as a car-pool dad, when children in my car don’t even say thanks for the ride or for the little surprise treats I sometimes bring them.
Contrast that to the little girl who was chosen as 1 of 10 children to play as a guest violinist with a local college orchestra. After the performance, that little 6-year-old, of her own accord (no prompting from Mommy), walked up to the director of the orchestra and said, “Thank you for giving me the opportunity to play with you. I loved it. I hope you enjoyed it too.” Theorchestra director was stunned. He waved the mom over and asked, “Do you know what she just said?” After repeating it to the mother, he continued, “I’ve been directing an orchestra for 12 years, and we’ve invited scores of children to play with us for special events. But not one child has ever said thank you . . . until yours.”
See the impact that a simple thank you can make?
Don’t be remiss in teaching your children the basics of manners, including saying thank you. That means that until your child says thank you for a gift, life doesn’t go on, and she doesn’t use that gift either. If your child forgets to say thank you for playing at a friend’s home, the answer is no the next time he asks to do so.
Insist that your child say thank you, and hold him accountable to do so.
Screaming
“Her screaming is driving me crazy. I jump up every time I hear it and run out into the yard because I think something’s wrong.”
You need to understand something basic about child development: young children scream. That’s a given. Children are beginning to explore life, and that includes not only their surroundings but the way their bodies work. Children from 14 months old to 2 years old discover that they have voices. Even more, these delightful voices can create wonderfully high-pitched noises that bring a parent running. It’s quite a game to try it out! It’s like a new toy, and they have to see how it works. So a child tries out one kind of scream to see how his parents will react. If they overreact to the scream, the child will say to himself, Hey, that was fun. I scream and they come running. They do that funnylittle hand motion and get a funny look in their eyes, and those veins on their necks pop out. Ah, so that’s the game we play and how we play it. Oh, I get it. Let’s do it again. . . .
Two of the parents I counseled were at their wits’ end with their young child. The kid woke up screaming in the middle of the night and disturbed the entire household of 6 people. The parents had tried everything to keep the child from screaming, and nothing worked. One day the siblings said, “What would happen if we screamed back?” Well, they did just that. The kid looked so startled that the screaming ended in a gurgle. And that was the end of the 3 a.m. screamings in that household. Sometimes unorthodox things work.
The point is, children will scream. But they won’t continue to scream unless that behavior has paid off. Rushing over to hush them is a way to reinforce that negative behavior because it gives them attention. Unless you overreact, your child won’t see the screaming as a negative behavior.
That’s why it doesn’t bother me if I see a child 2 years and under screaming.