Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [87]
A special note for those of you who are parents of boys: in general, boys tend to grow up slower and often need that extra year to mature and grow up before going to kindergarten. When does this really pay off? In their junior year of high school, when they’re in competitive sports and at the top of their game! I always pointed out to Lauren that she’ll get to drive when she’s a sophomore in high school. Most of her friends will have to wait until they’re juniors. And that’s something a teenager can smile about.
If you have a later-born child (born anytime from August through December), you’re much smarter to wait a year to start kindergarten. Lauren’s birthday is August 22, so she was very young going into kindergarten the first go-around. That’s why she needed another run.
If you’re worried that your child will look like a failure, then your thinking is all about you (you’re afraid of what your friends will say about your child and your failure in child-rearing) and not in your child’s best interest. Karen, a single mom, threw a fit in the principal’s office when he suggested that her daughter, Mandy, be held for another year in first grade. But then the principal said to her, “How would you feel if you were taking a course where everyone else knew the basics, but you didn’t? Wouldn’t you feel a little lost and scared all the time? Like you couldn’t measure up?”
Yet that’s what some parents do to their children all the time. They push them forward, even when they shouldn’t, and call it social promotion. That’s what happened to me in school and why I’m such a strong advocate for holding children back when they need it. If I would have been held back in one of the first grades, I would have done much better in school. I would have been more ready for it.
To 5-year-olds, repeating kindergarten is no big deal. They get to play for a year longer!
It’s all in your perspective. Wouldn’t you rather retain your child at a younger grade than watch him struggle through school with concepts he’s not ready for?
If your child needs to be retained in a grade level past third grade, it’s best to look for another school for your child. It softens the blow and the peer pressure for your child to be somewhere new.
Rolling Eyes
Children can be so dramatic, can’t they? Especially preteens and teens. They’re masters at the rolling-eye syndrome. It’s their nonverbal way of saying, “Please, not again!” “Dad, you’re embarrassing me. I can’t believe you didthat!”
When your children roll their eyes, it’s not a mountain. All children roll their eyes. (You do too sometimes!) It’s like saying, “What you just said/did is completely out to lunch. I can’t believe you said/did that.” Rolling your eyes is an attitude, yes, but it’s not the end of the world and won’t affect long-term character. (But talking back and being a smart aleck is another story.)
Parents, this is not an issue to go to war on. So why not have a little fun with it? The next time you see the eye roll, say, “Oh, that was great. Would you do it again? In slow motion?”
Treating this attitude and behavior in a lighthearted manner will downplay it when it happens . . . and it might just give you both a well-needed laugh.
Rudeness
Children are blunt, and sometimes they can be rude without meaning to. “Why is that lady so fat?” your daughter asks you in the grocery store line . . . and the lady is standing right behind you.
So when your child makes a rude remark, before you react, ask yourself, Did she really mean to be rude? If it was just an honest, blunt question, say, “Honey, what you just said sounded rude, but I don’t think you meant it that way. Sometimes wesay things that are rude and don’t mean to. I just thought you’d want to know.”
If the child really was being rude (and you as the parent can usually tell the difference),