Have a New Kid by Friday - Dr Kevin Leman [86]
Parenting is a tough job. You can do eight things well and blow two of them, and those two things take you back to square one with your children. This is when you have to work hard at being carefully consistent—not overreacting, not blowing it. You need to stay the course, to act in a respectful, responsible manner yourself. For example, what is your child learning if you bark out, “You have to go to church. It’s good for you!” but then you drop the child off at church and go out for coffee?
Your child is watching your Attitude, your Behavior, and your Character. If things aren’t in line at home with the image you project to others, your child will be the first one to spot the dissonance.
Saying one thing and doing another will set up the framework for disrespect in your home. Strive for consistency and calm, rational behavior. No yelling, no “I told you,” no “If you don’t . . .” Your children need to see by your actions that things are different in your life. That you are changing for the good. Yes, you still may mess up and blow it at times. After all, you’re human. But when you do, you need to go to your child and apologize for your behavior.
If you want a respectful child, you need to be respectful.
Retention in School (Kindergarten through Third Grade)
For years, parents have looked down on the notion of holding kids back in school. Somehow we’re worried it’ll damage their psyche—their self-concept, their self-esteem. That doing so will embarrass the child.
All of this is a pack of lies. The reality is that all kids grow and learn at different rates. Two 5-year-olds who start kindergarten can be completely different physically, psychologically, and educationally. One could be 28 pounds; the other could be 50 pounds. One could look forward to starting school; theother might still be clinging to Mama. One could know her ABCs; the other might not have a clue.
We parents are funny creatures. We don’t have a problem if a child is able to excel in baseball or draw a horse at 5 years old while another is not. But we do have a problem when a child doesn’t learn her ABCs at the same rate as another child.
Just as there needs to be readiness for potty training, there needs to be readiness for school. Some 5-year-olds are ready for kindergarten both academically and socially. Other children should wait until they are 6 to start kindergarten. Some children are ready to go on to first grade after a year of kindergarten. Others need another year of kindergarten.
It’s important for parents to take the long view. We retained our youngest, Lauren, in kindergarten. By seventh grade she was way past high school level on the standardized tests.
Over the years, there have been many critics of retention in school, mainly because of the fear that a child will be embarrassed or lose his friends. But such concerns do not register highly for a child at a young age—unless the parent makes them register. Explaining to a child the decision to retain him is all in the presentation. “You know, Andy, how you’re frustrated with learning how to write your letters?” (Child nods and starts to look sad.) “Well, Mrs. Miller and I were talking. She’d love to have you again next year. In fact, she has plans to teach the ABCs in a different way. She’s going to have a jungle theme, and each child will get to be a different animal. Doesn’t that sound like fun?” If a child hears a positive interpretation from you (and not your mutterings and fears behind the scenes), he’ll be positive about being retained in school.
When you retain a child in school, you’re doing him a great service. You’re giving him a chance to learn the basic academic behaviors required for a certain grade