How God Changes Your Brain - Andrew Newberg, M. D_ [102]
Take a moment to think about the person you hate the most, and imagine sending him or her love. It's not easy, is it? Most people would find it repugnant to think kindly about a psychopathic murderer, yet research has shown that victims of violent crime and war who can forgive their perpetrators have decreased anxiety and depression, while those who can't forgive are more inclined toward psychiatric disease.54
There are hundreds of books written on forgiveness, but the following meditation exercise stands out as my favorite.
Begin by sitting quietly. First, send love to yourself by repeating the following prayer ten times, out loud, or silently to yourself:
May I be happy.
May I be well.
May I be filled with kindness and peace.
Notice how it makes you feel. If you feel uncomfortable, repeat this prayer by sending love to someone whom you love—a friend, or even a pet: “May you be happy, may you be well, may you be filled with kindness and peace.” Keep repeating it until you are filled with a warm, compassionate attitude toward that person.
Now turn that energy around and direct it to yourself: “May I be happy, may I be well, may I be filled with kindness and peace.” I cannot stress strongly enough the neurological necessity of generating self-love, so if you still have difficulty with this step, make this meditation a priority in your life.
Next, turn your attention to the person you like the most. Smile as you visualize his or her face and repeat the prayer above. Then return the love to yourself.
Then move on to another person, perhaps a family member or friend, and send that person your prayer. Notice how the feelings change when you think about this person.
Keep enlarging your circle by generating love to as many different people as you can: colleagues, neighbors, the mail carrier, etc. Again notice how the feelings change your mood.
Now extend your feelings to the people you find more difficult to love or forgive. Try saying the prayer and sending a loving thought to those who have hurt you in the past. If you feel resistance, don't fight it. Just acknowledge your feelings and come back to loving yourself.
Pick one person whom you find it difficult to forgive. Look for one small quality that you like about them—perhaps his smile, or the way she styles her hair—and focus your entire attention on that single trait. Try to recall one kind thing he or she once did, and concentrate on that. Hold the positive thought as long as you can, then notice if your feelings have changed. Do you feel less anger? Less hurt? Even the slightest decrease is beneficial to your brain. Each time you do this exercise, extend your forgiveness to other “difficult” people and groups.
Finally, extend your love, kindness, and forgiveness to the world: “May everyone be happy, may everyone be well, and may everyone be filled with kindness and peace.” Hold a vision in your mind of all the different people in the world, all cultures, all colors, all religions, and all political groups. Imagine everyone getting along with each other and living together in peace.
It doesn't take much effort to practice kindness and forgiveness, and if you make an internal commitment to do so a few minutes every day, you'll train your brain to suppress anger and fear. You might even grow a few new neurons in your hippocampus, which we now know humans can do, but it's important to remember that the hippocampus—which is essential for memory formation and emotional control—is the very first structure damaged by the neurochemicals of anger, anxiety, and stress.
So the next time someone cuts you off on the freeway or makes a clumsy mistake, instead