How God Changes Your Brain - Andrew Newberg, M. D_ [108]
Participants were invited to share their experiences with the group, and after the exchange, we asked them to pair themselves up with a new partner—again, with someone they did not know. They practiced Compassionate Communication for another five to ten minutes, and then we paired them with another person. But this time we didn't have them talk. Instead, we again gave them the modified Miller Social Intimacy Scale to see if there was any change in their willingness to feel empathy or affection toward a stranger.
When we analyzed the data, we found an 11 percent improvement on the intimacy scale. Now, 11 percent might not sound like much, but in scientific research it's an impressive change, especially considering the brief amount of time that was spent. Certain areas of intimacy had even greater changes. For example, there was a 20 percent increase in participants’ willingness to feel close and spend time with an unfamiliar individual. We also found that men showed as much improvement as women and that race did not play a factor in creating intimacy with others. People over the age of forty showed a slightly greater improvement in their willingness to be open toward others, which suggests that compassion, empathy, and intimacy improves with greater life experiences and maturity.
We were also able to measure the “baseline” intimacy levels of the participants before they practiced Compassionate Communication. Although women had slightly higher levels, the difference between women and men was not statistically significant, thus contradicting the popular opinion that women have a greater capacity for closeness. Other studies also show mixed results when searching for gender differences. For example, women may exhibit greater degrees of empathy, but men tend to be more forgiving.12 On the other hand, women tend to express more compassion than men toward people who have treated them unfairly.13 Overall, the research suggests that we must be cautious when comparing men's and women's capacities for closeness.
After practicing Compassionate Communication with strangers, both men and women were more likely to share personal information and were more willing to listen to personal disclosures. They felt closer to each other and were more willing to be emotionally supportive and socially affectionate. Thus, Compassionate Communication appears to be an effective strategy for generating interpersonal understanding and peace.
COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION WITH COUPLES
The therapists we're training are introducing the technique to selected couples who are struggling with different levels of conflict in their relationship. The patients take a battery of tests to evaluate their psychological state and level of intimacy, and in the first counseling session are guided through the steps of the meditation by the therapist. Then, with minimal supervision—which is usually a reminder to speak briefly and return to focusing on one's inner state of relaxation—they practice the exercise by allowing a spontaneous conversation to emerge. Later, when they become more proficient, they'll use the exercise to address specific issues and problems.
We send them home with a CD that guides them through the instructions, and we ask them to practice with each other for approximately fifteen minutes each day. From week to week the therapists observe the changes in their intimacy level, and at the end of four weeks the participants are again given a battery of tests.
Compassionate Communication integrates an awareness-based meditation directly into the dialogue process, something that to our knowledge has not been researched or tested until now. In fact, at a recent conference on spirituality and health, I spoke with several well-known scholars who were lamenting that there were no meditation programs that actively engaged people in dialogue. They were surprised and excited when I told them about the research we'd begun, and we are currently working on developing protocols with several universities. Over the next few years