How God Changes Your Brain - Andrew Newberg, M. D_ [111]
If you can, record the instructions, because listening to them makes them easier to follow than reading them. You can also go to markrobertwaldman.com to order a prerecorded CD (see Appendix A for additional information). If you make your own CD, insert the sound of a bell at each place you see an asterisk in the instructions. The bell is used as a reminder to focus on your breathing and relaxation.
We suggest that you do Compassionate Communication once a day, alone or with someone else. You can even try it over the telephone, as some of our patients have. The relaxation induction takes about seven minutes, depending on how slow or fast you read (we recommend slow). On the CD, the induction is followed by another seven minutes of silence, during which you practice with a partner. Every thirty seconds the silence is punctuated by the gentle sound of a bell to remind both people to talk less and relax.
When you are alone, after you have done the relaxation induction, try to have an imaginary conversation with someone about a topic that is causing you concern. Like the “Imaginary Fight” exercise in the previous chapter, this can be an effective way to exercise your tactfulness and predict how another person might respond.
So let's begin. In this first trial run, imagine you are sitting in a chair, opposite someone you like. Later you can practice with a person with whom you feel comfortable, and still later, you can try it with someone with whom you are having difficulty. Read slowly, and each time you see an asterisk, stop for five seconds and take a very deep breath. Obviously, you can ignore, for the moment, the suggestion to close your eyes!
Sit down on two chairs placed close together and face your partner. If you are comfortable enough, your knees or hands can touch each other. Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, relaxing all the muscles in your face. Let your forehead relax, and then let the muscles around your eyes relax. Take another deep breath and relax your jaw. Now relax all the muscles in your neck. Take a deep breath and relax your shoulders, and take another breath as you relax the muscles in your arms and your hands. Feel your shoulders drop and relax some more. Each time you hear a bell,* it is a reminder to pause, relax, and breathe. Take another breath, and feel all of the tension draining out of your body as you become more and more relaxed. Now relax all the muscles in your back. Feel your legs relax as they melt into the cushion of your chair. Now relax your feet. Scan your entire body for any excess tension in your muscles, then take a deep breath and let that tension go.*
Now, yawn ten times, because it will make you extraordinarily relaxed and alert. It doesn't matter if you fake it, just try to yawn; by the fourth or fifth one, they'll begin to feel real, and you'll feel yourself becoming more and more relaxed. Yawn again, and listen to your partner yawn, and feel how relaxed you become. Once more, take another deep breath and yawn.*
Still keeping your eyes closed, smile and visualize your partner sitting across from you and smiling. Stay aware of your breathing as you hold a compassionate image or loving thought in mind. Think about something you like about that person, or recall a memory that brought you pleasure or peace. Take a deep breath and continue to relax.*
Imagine having an intimate conversation with your partner. It's a beautiful conversation, filled with compassion and respect. In this