How God Changes Your Brain - Andrew Newberg, M. D_ [110]
The shift in responses confirms my intuition that spiritual practices—even when stripped from their religious components and applied to secular situations—take people inward, where they often realize the importance of compassionate values and humanitarian ideals, qualities that are found at the heart of most religious traditions.
HOW TO PRACTICE COMPASSIONATE COMMUNICATION
Human communication is one of the most complex neural processes in the brain. It involves face and voice recognition, language processing, memory recall, speech coordination, concept recognition, imagery mapping, emotional regulation, deceit and fairness evaluation, strategic planning, and the activation of neural circuits governing volitional activities and behavior.
Any degree of stress will interfere with the integration of these internal processes, so the first step in effective communication—with anyone, friend or foe—is to remain calm and relaxed. But most people do not view conscious relaxation as a social event. Instead, it's something you usually do alone, or with a good bottle of wine and a couple of friends. Yet all of the research we've collected points to the fact that relaxation is an essential key to virtually every aspect of social interaction. If you integrate breathing, awareness, observation, optimism, and emotional neutrality into your conversation, a far more meaningful and constructive dialogue will emerge.
Relaxation heightens our visual and auditory skills, which means we can listen more carefully to others and better ascertain the subtle facial cues that are indispensable to the communication process. Increased attentiveness will positively affect your partner, and this will encourage a greater willingness for him or her to disclose more intimate feelings and thoughts.
But intimacy brings with it vulnerability, and if the other person reacts with anxiety, the conversation will be derailed. Relaxation lowers the neural reactivity in your brain. In addition, when the circuits relating to social awareness and compassion are stimulated, pleasure-enhancing neurochemicals are released, and these also decrease the risk of reacting with anger or fear.
Compassionate Communication is easy to learn. All you need is a willing partner or friend, but you can also do the exercise alone, using your imagination to envision a caring person. You'll receive all the benefits that traditional meditations bestow, and then, when you enter a conversation with another person, you can internally practice the technique. For example, before you speak to someone, take a slow deep breath and consciously relax all of the muscles in your body. Then speak slowly and briefly, letting the other person respond. While he or she talks, stay quietly focused on your state of relaxation. When the other person stops, take a subtle breath and respond.
You might think that your slower talking will attract undue attention, but when you try it, you'll discover that other people will experience your slowness as being more attentive and receptive. If you ask them, they'll probably tell you that they felt you were deeply interested in what they said. And then, if you tell them what you were doing, you'll have the pleasure of passing on a valued technique that someone else can use.
Of course, if you know you'll be walking into a conflict-ridden situation, you should take ten minutes beforehand to rehearse the Compassionate Communication instructions in your imagination. Ideally, both parties would benefit if they practiced this technique together, but we live in a world that is far from ideal.
The instructions that follow are what we use in our workshops and couples therapy, but feel free to modify them to suit your situation. As you read the instructions,