How to Train a Wild Elephant_ And Other Adventures in Mindfulness - Jan Chozen Bays [18]
DEEPER LESSONS
This is a powerful task because it invokes sudden stillness in the body and sudden stillness in the mind at the same time. When we are moving, we are usually thinking. When the body stops, a subtle level of ongoing thinking is revealed. Seeing it, we are able to let it go and open to deeper levels of quiet in the mind. One young man noticed a dual benefit in this task. Stopping moving and talking helped him drop mental tension, while enjoying three mindful breaths helped him release physical tension.
One woman said that this task made her anxious at first. She soon realized that the anxiety was not related to how well she was doing the exercise, but was an underlying, low-level anxiety that was always present, unrelated to anything that was happening. She then began to use the interval of three breaths to breathe out a phrase of loving-kindness—“May I be at ease”—which helped dispel her anxiety.
So much of our life is lived unconsciously and in haste. What are we rushing toward? Instead of living fully in this moment, we are always moving forward, grabbing at the next minute, the next hour, the next day. We drag our state of mind, like a bag of garbage, from one encounter to the next. If we’ve just hung up on a difficult phone call, we’re likely to be grumpy with the hapless person who calls us next. To answer each phone call fresh, without the clouding emotions of impatience, anxiety, or irritation, we need to slow things down. We hear the ring, we pause to take one to three breaths, we let go of what is held in the body, heart, and mind. Then we can meet the new caller and new situation with openness and clarity.
We begin by training to do this with ringers or bells as reminders. Eventually the habit spreads to infiltrate the rest of our life. It becomes a new way of being, to be able to let go of what is in our mind and arrive fresh to every encounter throughout the day. This is an extremely useful skill, one that most people do not have. It enables us to let old and harmful habits wither as we cultivate new and healthy ones.
Final Words: Taking three breaths when the phone rings is like a time-out for adults. It’s a pause that refreshes.
11
Loving Touch
The Exercise: Use loving hands and a loving touch, even with inanimate objects.
REMINDING YOURSELF
Put something unusual on a finger of your dominant hand. Some possibilities include a different ring, a Band-Aid, a dot of nail polish on one nail, or a small mark made with a colored pen. Each time you notice the marker, remember to use loving hands, loving touch.
DISCOVERIES
When we do this practice, we soon become aware of when we or others are not using loving hands. We notice how groceries are thrown into the shopping cart, luggage is hurled onto a conveyor belt at the airport, and silverware is tossed into a bin. We hear metal bowls singing out when stacked carelessly and doors slamming when we rush.
A particular dilemma arose at our monastery for people who were weeding the garden. How can we practice loving hands when we are pulling a living plant out of the ground by its roots? Can we keep our heart open to it, placing it in the compost with a prayer that its life (and ours) will benefit others?
As a medical student, I worked with a number of surgeons who were known for their “surgical temperament.” If any difficulty arose during an operation, they would act like two-year-olds, throwing expensive instruments and cursing at nurses. I noticed that one surgeon was different. He remained calm under stress, but more importantly, he handled the tissue of each unconscious patient as if it were precious. I resolved that if I needed surgery, I would insist he do it.
As we do this practice, mindfulness