How to Train a Wild Elephant_ And Other Adventures in Mindfulness - Jan Chozen Bays [20]
When you notice yourself becoming annoyed by having to “wait,” remind yourself, “This is terrific! I have some unexpected time to practice mindfulness.”
REMINDING YOURSELF
Put a small note or piece of tape with the letter W (for “waiting practice”) on the timing devices you check throughout the day, such as your watch, the clock in your car, or your cell phone. Also put a W on your computer screen or mouse.
DISCOVERIES
I discovered this practice when I was new to meditation, working seventy-two-hour weeks as an intern at a busy county hospital, with barely enough time to go to the bathroom. Two Zen teachers came by to visit me at the hospital. I hurried into the waiting room, murmuring apologies for keeping them waiting. “No problem,” one said. “It gave us some extra time to sit.” (“Sit” is Zen slang for doing sitting meditation.) Oh, yes.
This practice answers the question “When can I—a very busy person—find time to practice mindfulness?” We don’t need to dedicate a large block of time to mindfulness practice (though that certainly doesn’t hurt). Opportunities to practice being present arise throughout the day.
When we are forced to wait, say in a traffic jam, our instinct is to do something to distract ourselves from the discomfort of waiting. We turn on the radio, call or text someone on the phone, or just sit and fume. Practicing mindfulness while waiting helps people find many small moments in the day when they can bring the thread of awareness up from where it lies hidden in the complex fabric of their lives. Waiting, a common event that usually produces negative emotions, can be transformed into a gift, the gift of free time to practice. The mind benefits doubly: first, by abandoning negative mind-states, and second, by gaining the beneficial effects of even a few extra minutes of practice woven into the day.
My original “waiting practice” teacher was my very patient father. On Sunday morning he would don a suit and tie, and then get into the car to read the Sunday paper. Meanwhile his wife and three daughters would get into the car, one by one, and then get out again to run back and forth on many trips to retrieve gloves, pocketbooks, lipsticks, socks without holes, barrettes, Sunday school books, and so on. Only when the running and slamming of doors ceased would he look up, calmly fold the paper, and start the engine.
DEEPER LESSONS
As you undertake this practice, you learn to recognize early the body changes that accompany impending negative thoughts and emotions such as impatience about having to wait, or anger about “that idiot” ahead of us in the checkout line. Each time we are able to stop and not allow a negative mind-state to come to fruition (say, getting irritated at the traffic or angry at the slow cashier), we are erasing a habitual and unwholesome pattern of the heart/mind. If we don’t let the cart of the mind keep running down the same deep ruts, down the same old hill, into the same old swamp, eventually the ruts will fill in. Eventually our habitual states of irritation and frustration over something like waiting will dissolve. It takes time, but it works. And it’s worth it, as everyone around us will benefit.
Many of us have a mind that measures self-worth in terms of productivity. If I did not produce anything today, if I did not write a book, give a speech, bake bread, earn money, sell something, buy something, get a good grade on a test, or find my soul mate, then my day was wasted and I am a failure. We give ourselves no credit for taking “being”-time, for just being present. “Waiting” is thus a source of frustration. Think of the things I could be getting done!
And yet, if you asked the people you care about what they would like most from you, their answer is