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One of my favorite practices is what I call “drive-by metta.” (Metta is a Pali word meaning loving-kindness, or unconditional friendliness. It also refers to a meditative practice for developing those qualities.) As I drive to work, for each person I pass on the road—pedestrians, bikers, and especially rude drivers who are in a hurry—I say quietly, with my out-breath, “May you be free from anxiety. May you be at ease.” I don’t know if this secret practice helps them, but it definitely helps me. The days I do drive-by metta always go more easily.

DEEPER LESSONS

Our personality is cobbled together out of many strategies for making others love and care for us, for getting what we want, and for keeping ourselves safe. We bask in positive recognition, for it signals love, success, and security. This task helps us look at how willing we are to put the effort out to do good things for others if we never earn credit for it. Zen practice emphasizes “going straight on”—leading our lives in a straightforward way based upon what we know to be good practice, undaunted by praise or criticism.

A monk once asked the Chinese Zen master Hui-hai, “What is the gate [meaning both entrance and pillar] of Zen practice?” Hui-hai answered, “Complete giving.”

The Buddha said, “If people knew, as I know, the fruits of sharing gifts, they would not enjoy their use without sharing them, nor would the taint of stinginess obsess the heart. Even if it were their last bit, their last morsel of food, they would not enjoy its use without sharing it if there was someone else to share it with.”

The Buddha spoke constantly of the value of generosity, saying it is the most effective way to reach enlightenment. He recommended giving simple gifts, pure water to drink, food, shelter, clothing, transportation, light, flowers. Even poor people can be generous, he said, by giving a crumb of their food to an ant. Each time we give something away, whether it is a material object or our time (is it “ours”?), we are letting go of a bit of that carefully gathered and fiercely defended temporary heap of stuff we call “I, me, and mine.”

Final Words: Generosity is the highest virtue, and anonymous giving is the highest form of generosity.

16

Just Three Breaths

The Exercise: As many times a day as you are able, give the mind a short rest. For the duration of three breaths ask the inner voices to be silent. It’s like turning off the inner radio or TV for a few minutes. Then open all your senses and just be aware—of color, sound, touch, and smell.

REMINDING YOURSELF

Post notes in your environment with the number 3 on them. You could add a drawing of a person with an empty thought balloon above his head. It might help to set an alarm or cell phone to ring at irregular intervals throughout the day.

DISCOVERIES

When people first begin meditating or doing contemplative prayer, they experience a measure of relief from the constantly churning mind. They are happy. If their concentration deepens, however, they are often dismayed to find that their mind is like a hyperactive two-year-old, unable to sit still, at rest in the present moment, for more than a few minutes. It is busy all day long. It journeys to the past, reliving past pleasures and hurts. It darts off into the future, making a hundred plans. It escapes into fantasies, creating imaginary worlds to fulfill all its desires. New meditators also discover their inner voices, which are constantly narrating, comparing and criticizing, rationalizing. At this stage people confess that they are thinking of quitting meditation. Their mind seems noisier than ever! As soon as their mind wanders off the practice, they are filled with self-criticism. Instead of progressing, they seem to be going backward.

It is as if the mind is willing to go along with the game of quieting itself only for a short while. When it realizes that we are quite serious about making it still, and even existing for periods of time without its constant direction, it can panic and begin to spin like a squirrel in a cage.