How to Train a Wild Elephant_ And Other Adventures in Mindfulness - Jan Chozen Bays [35]
Final Words: When you are unhappy, discover what you are clinging to and let it go.
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Study Suffering
The Exercise: As you go about your day, pay attention to the phenomenon of suffering. How do you detect it in yourself or in others? Where is it most obvious? What are the milder forms? What are the more intense forms?
REMINDING YOURSELF
Post notes that say “Study Suffering,” or photos of an unhappy person, in appropriate places.
DISCOVERIES
Suffering is everywhere. We see it in people’s anxious faces, hear it in their voices, see it on the news. As we study suffering, we can hear it in our own thoughts, feel it in our own bodies, see it in the face in the mirror. Often people begin this exercise thinking of suffering in its extreme and obvious forms, the death of someone you love, or children who are victims of war. As this task brings increased awareness, people discover that there is a spectrum of suffering, from mild irritation and impatience to rage or overwhelming grief.
We are exposed to the suffering not just of people but of animals as well. We see the suffering of those we love and also the suffering of strangers on the street. Suffering pours into our hearts and minds through the radio, TV, and Internet.
There is a difference between pain and suffering. Pain is the unpleasant physical sensations experienced by all human bodies, indeed all sentient beings. Suffering is the mental and emotional distress that is added to these physical sensations. The Buddha studied suffering meticulously for seven years and discovered that physical pain is inevitable, but the suffering added by the mind is optional. Actually, it is only optional if you have good tools to work with the mind and if you apply them diligently.
For example, when we have a headache, we can think, “OK, I have temporary discomfort in this area of the body.” Or we can think,
“This is the second headache I’ve had this week.” [Dragging the past into the present.]
“I’m sure it’s going to get worse, like it did before.” [Predicting and perhaps creating future events.]
“I can’t stand it.” [But, in actuality, you have before and you will again.]
“What’s wrong with me?” [Nothing. You are a humaning with a body.]
“Could I have a brain tumor?” [Extremely unlikely, but you can give yourself a much worse headache worrying about it.]
“Maybe it’s the stress I’m under at work. My boss is impossible. . . .” [Coasting around for someone to blame.]
Does our mental distress help cure the physical pain? No, it only makes it stronger and prolongs it. We have taken simple temporary physical discomfort and turned it into a mass of suffering.
DEEPER LESSONS
There are some benefits to suffering. If we never experienced suffering, we would coast along in life with no motivation to change. Unfortunately it seems to be true that we are the most motivated to change when we are the most unhappy.
If we can restrain the mind from running amok, speculating and disaster-mongering, looking for someone to blame for our misery, then we can just experience the physical aspects of what we call “pain.” If we just experience it, actually investigate it, discerning all its qualities, instead of it being “unbearable,” it can become quite interesting. What size is the focus of pain? Exactly where is it located—above or below the skull? What is its texture—sharp, dull, prickly, or smooth? If it had a color, what would it be? Is it constant or intermittent? People often report interesting discoveries when they stop resisting pain and investigate it in this way. Resistance locks pain in. When we are not adding mental and emotional stress to simple physical discomfort, the pain is free to change and even to dissolve.
Suffering also gives birth to compassion in our hearts. After my first child was born, a new awareness of the fragility of