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Check in on this process several times a day. In particular when you get irritated or upset, ask, “How am I defining myself or my personal territory at this moment?”

REMINDING YOURSELF

Post notes that say “Defining and Defending?” in appropriate spots.

DISCOVERIES

This practice originated with a teacher in the Tibetan Buddhist lineage named Michael Conklin. He teaches a course on Buddhism at a community college near our monastery. One of the assignments he gives his students is to spend a week watching the process of “defining and defending the self.” The students find it quite revealing. Their major discovery is that they are engaged in this process continually.

We can see this process clearly when we define a particular physical space as belonging to us, a chair or desk in a classroom, a corner table in a favorite restaurant, a space on the highway, a shelf in a closet, or a spot on the floor in an exercise class. If someone doesn’t respect the invisible boundaries around the territory we have staked out in our mind, we react. Within minutes of putting down our yoga mat, we have declared the space “mine.” At our monastery we have to be careful about moving anyone’s meditation cushions once a retreat begins, because it can really upset some folks. We tend to make little safe nests wherever we go and then we defend them.

This process starts early in life. Zen teacher Shohaku Okamura tells how he took his young son to a park. He brought along several toys so that his son could share them with other kids and get to know some American children. But as the other kids approached, his son gathered the toys to his breast and uttered his first English words, “No, mine!” Thus a self is born and defended. It is a natural process in human development, but for us to be truly content, it has to be modified in adult life.

DEEPER LESSONS

Greed arises when we think we need something in order to complete ourselves and to be happy. It could be a certain car, house, food, an academic degree, or public acclaim. It could be another person. If we can’t have what we have set our heart on, we become unhappy. This is defining ourselves by material possessions, that which we can manage to get and hold on to.

We also define ourselves by our mental possessions, showing off our knowledge and vigorously defending our points of view. We think, “My opinions about this topic are the correct ones and I’ll argue until I convince you!” This is astounding and amusing, when you consider that in a group of twenty-four people there are twenty-three different opinions besides our own. Why would we think ours is the only one that is correct?

Anger or irritation is a clue that we are defending the self. Anger arises when we think we need to get rid of something or someone in order to be happy. It could be a certain politician, a pain or illness, a disagreeable boss or coworker, a pesky neighbor or his barking dog. If we can’t get rid of them, we become unhappy. Why won’t the world cooperate with what I want to happen? Again, this is astounding and amusing. Why won’t things go my way and not the way desired by the other seven billion people on the planet?

We are also ignorant about what our self is. It is not one steady, stable thing. It is always in flux. Everything we call “me” is an ever-changing process that affects our likes and dislikes, our clothes, hair, and every cell in our body. Each breath is part of that constant flow. When we try to freeze our sense of self, we only create suffering. (“I feel thirty years old on the inside, but I look sixty on the outside and I hate it!”)

Final Words: There is no thing called a self to defend, because in reality the self is a process of constantly changing sensations, including the sensations we call thoughts.

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Notice Smells

The Exercise: During this week, as often as possible, become aware of smells and fragrance. This may be easiest to do when you are eating or drinking, but try it at other times, too. Several times a day, try sniffing the air like a