How to Train a Wild Elephant_ And Other Adventures in Mindfulness - Jan Chozen Bays [9]
One person observed that becoming mindful about leaving no traces in one room spread out to include other areas. Washing her dirty dishes immediately after eating led to making her bed immediately after arising, and then to cleaning the little hairs out of the drain right after a shower. We have to summon the initial energy, but thereafter, energy seems to breed more energy.
DEEPER LESSONS
This exercise puts a spotlight on our tendency to be lazy. The word lazy is a description, not a criticism. If we live less than wholeheartedly, we often leave messes for others to clean up. It is so easy to wash the dishes but not put them back in the cupboard. It is so easy to skip meditation or prayer when our life gets hectic.
This task also brings our awareness to the many small things that support our life and work all day long—the spoons and forks that feed us, the clothing that keeps us warm, the rooms that shelter us. When we wash, dry, sweep, fold, and put away our things with mindfulness, it becomes an expression of gratitude for their silent service.
Zen master Dogen wrote specific instructions for the cooks in his monastery. “Clean the chopsticks, ladles, and all other utensils; handle them with equal care and awareness, putting everything back where it naturally belongs.” There is something satisfying about washing things that are dirty and putting things in order, and about treating everything that serves us with care, whether plastic plates or delicate china. Our mind seems “cleaner” and our life less complicated when we’ve cleaned up the space and things around us. A friend told me about hauling pounds of old clothing, long-expired medication, and trash out of an elderly aunt’s house. He said, “At first she seemed worried, but then she relaxed, and with every bag we took out she seemed to get a year younger.”
The sense of satisfaction from leaving no traces may be a reflection of our deep desire to leave the world at least no worse than when we entered it, and hopefully, to leave it a bit better. Ideally the only traces we will leave will be the ways we have loved, inspired, taught, or served others. This is what will have the most positive effect on people in the future.
Final Words: First practice leaving no traces. Then practice leaving things better than you found them.
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Filler Words
The Exercise: Become aware of the use of “filler” words and phrases and try to eliminate them from your speech. Fillers are words that do not add meaning to what you’re saying, such as “um,” “ah,” “so,” “well,” “like,” “you know,” “kind of,” and “sort of.” Additional filler words enter our vocabulary from time to time. Recent additions might include “basically” and “anyway.”
In addition to eliminating filler words, see if you can notice why you tend to use them—in what situations and for what purpose?
REMINDING YOURSELF
It is mortifyingly difficult to notice yourself using filler words at first. You will probably have to enlist the help of friends or family members. Children will love catching and correcting their parents using filler words. Ask them to raise their hands when they hear you use a filler word. At first, hands will pop up and down with annoying frequency, and so unconscious is this habit that you may have to ask them to tell you what filler word you just uttered!
Another way to be able to hear the filler words you use and their frequency is to record yourself talking. Ask a roommate, spouse, or child to use his or her cell phone or video camera to record you in conversation or while you’re talking on the phone. Play it back and tabulate the fillers you use and their frequency.
DISCOVERIES
At the monastery