I Am Better Than Your Kids - Maddox [4]
A car like this just makes sense for all those times Ferrari drivers want to drive on their roofs.
F
Lucas, age 8
When I think of the monster truck Grave Digger, I think of the black and purple cabin with green suspension, giant tires, and a badass skull on the side. Not a sunshine-yellow Scion xB with a hood ornament that looks like a heart. Barf.
F
Stewart, age 7
This would be the perfect war machine if it didn’t look like a mouse and have two giant rods that extended below the wheelbase. Here is what a real war machine looks like:
F
Maddox, age 32
HOLY FUCKING SHIT! This is the coolest war machine I’ve ever seen! Look at those cannons everywhere, and that giant war turtle with a spiky shell and demon head that’s barfing out the middle finger, a giant battle ax there for no fucking reason, and a fatass live shark just hanging off the side being excessively threatening. This artist deserves a beer and a blow job, simultaneously.
A+
Nadi, age 7
Oops! Although you meant to draw a suburban housewife, what you actually drew was the most brutal dictator in history. That is a very unfortunately placed eraser smudge, but the Hitleresque comb-over put it over the top.
F
Wayne, age 7
Führer the Hedghog.
F
Nadi, age 7
“Oh nothing, just hanging out in front of my house, looking at butterflies flying in front of my swastika window. ’Sup with you?”
F
Greg, age 7
Hitler on a tractor is one of those surreal thoughts that pop into your head when you’re bored while waiting for your dentist appointment, and you start daydreaming about all the mundane things Hitler had to do on a daily basis, like frying eggs, flossing, and folding his pants.
F
Sean, age 7
Some people play catch in the park. Others salute Nazis. Everyone is different.
F
Josef, age 6
Hitler Mr. Potato Head getting pissed in the eye. Awesome.
F+
Remie, age 9
“I got a toy train set, what did you get?” “I got a twenty-five-point plan for expelling Jews from eastern Europe.”
F
Eric, age 8
Lovely day at the park with Papa Adolf and his family, frolicking under a rainbow.
F
Damon, age 7
When I was a kid, I used to draw myself as a superhero with special powers* and compare it to my friends’ drawings. It’s fun until some shithead inevitably chooses “all powers” for his special ability and ruins the game, Damon.
F
Cole, age 7
When Peter Parker created his alter ego to strike fear into the hearts of criminals, I doubt “spread eagled with a constipated expression” is what he had in mind.
F
Sara, age 7
I once had a smudge on my monitor and I left it there for so long that I started to rearrange the icons on my desktop around it instead of cleaning it. That’s pretty lazy, but this “imbisible” drawing is laziness of a higher order. Even the Invisible Woman from Fantastic 4 has dotted lines drawn around her to establish things like scale, where she is in relation to other things, or whether or not she even exists. But no, not Sara. And even if you wanted to “draw” an invisible woman with nothing, why isn’t there anything else in the scene? It’s an invisible woman, not an invisible universe.
F
Stewart, age 7
The power to transform into “any hinge” is a power beyond imagination, in the sense that it’s a power nobody wants to imagine. Also, none of the things you drew here is actually a hinge.
F
Genevive, age 7
When you imagine a world in which you have the miracle of flight at your whim, what do you do? You drop a cat hurtling down toward earth. I can actually get behind this.
F+
Ted, age 8
Tune in for the exciting adventures of the “SPY Jounirs SQUAD.” Featuring Laser Beam with the power of a concentrated laser blast; Speedey, able to go faster than lightning; and Doug. Doug has no special abilities and isn’t even as tall as the other Jounir Squad members. Toy companies everywhere can’t wait to pass on this shitty franchise.
F
Monika, age