I Just Want You to Know_ Letters to My Kids on Love, Faith, and Family - Kate Gosselin [23]
While I desired to have a third baby, it was a complete shock to learn that I was going to have seven more babies at once! As you know, our seventh baby now lives in heaven with Jesus and went there when she was very tiny. You especially talk about “our other baby” often. We imagine what her name would have been. Emma Rose? Or Ella Rose? (We have agreed it was a girl).
To be honest, it took Mommy quite awhile to accept the idea of so many babies at once; but over time, I was able to embrace my destiny and put my best mommy efforts to the task of keeping you growing and healthy until you were big enough to be born safely. After you were born, the task was strangely similar. You, Hannah, Aaden, Collin, Leah, and Joel were born prematurely, as predicted, at 29 weeks and 5 days. A normal pregnancy lasts about 40 weeks, so your early birth meant you came about 10 weeks too soon.
I’ll never forget the first time I saw your precious teeny face! I managed to visit you in the neonatal unit eight hours after your birth. You were in the incubator closest to the door. I lifted the cover and saw your golden blonde hair and your closed Asian eyes. I smiled because you were the first of my children that even hinted at a resemblance of me. I also had blonde hair as a little girl!
Your tiny pink cheeks and lips made me cry. You were perfect in every way—just small. Two pounds eleven point five ounces to be exact. I was instantly overcome with love for you. Your brothers and sisters were spread throughout the NICU and it made me feel sad that you were, for the first time ever, separated from your womb mates. I whispered to you, “Hi Alexis, it’s Mommy. I love you! I’m sorry you have to be here. I did my best to keep you safe as long as I could. Rest baby. Grow strong so I can take you home soon!”
The next year was filled with many bottles and diaper changes. But it was mostly a year filled with people helping and inundating our tiny house at each feeding time. I know you remember who fed you most, Alexis: Your Nana Janet, who was the comedic relief during most eight p.m. feedings. She would tell funny stories to the point where we were all laughing so hard that Janet got worried we were shaking the babies too much. “Oh, these poor babies,” she’d say. And of course, that would just make us laugh harder. I credit those bedtime feedings as not only good comedy but also good stress relief.
I often told Janet that I blamed her for making you so goofy and silly, and she readily accepted the “blame”—and loved you so much. She was an ever-present constant in your and your brothers and sisters’ lives. You had many chats with Nana over the next few years as she ironed, played or read books with you.
I’ve watched you grow into a kind and caring little girl. I have enjoyed the humor you have brought to our family. You have a way of knowing when I need a silly Alexis face to brighten my day. Or even a silly Alexis comment that only you can come up with! Ironically, you earned the nickname “Sassy” from your brothers and sisters. They couldn’t say Alexis, so Sassy stuck—mostly, I think, because you just plain were!
When I look at you, I see complete beauty. You have “the face of an angel” as Grandmom used to say. It’s a good cover for that naughty side that lurks behind the mischievous twinkle in your eye! I look forward to watching that face—and the rest of you—grow. You have a kindness and empathy for others (and animals!) that I hope you always continue. Remembering that God created every person, no matter their appearance, occupation, abilities, or inabilities, and developing the desire to see others the way God sees them will help you to navigate life successfully. I have not always possessed the skills to see others this way. In recent years, as life has exposed our family to so many people, places, and experiences, I have been more able to love and befriend others more readily, but it took me awhile. I admire your warmth and acceptance of anyone who walks into your life. Never lose sight of this gift that seems to