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For the first year and half at the Elizabethtown house, I was taking care of eight little kids, with little help. Normally I was by myself all day, every day—though a friend would stop by occasionally to play with the kids, my sister Kendra would come over and watch the kids while I ran out to the grocery store, and Nana Janet still came every week. But for the most part, I was by myself and exhausted, and I often felt out of control. I constantly fought the fear of a sudden injury or accident, that I would be trapped in my home and not be able to get help, or that I couldn’t do things quickly or easily.

Maybe because we were often in survival mode, Jon and I didn’t always communicate in a friendly manner. We had eight kids and didn’t focus enough on each other. Jon once asked me, “Kate, do you realize we have been walking on eggshells for two years?” It was true. I think it was because I felt the weight of responsibility so heavily. I couldn’t get sick. If I got sick, the whole camp shut down, and we didn’t have time for that. A lot was riding on me, which often made me grouchy.

Even so, much of what I said to Jon was unwarranted. I could have watched what I said better, could have guarded my tongue better. And I knew it. The cameras made it obvious. So even if I didn’t realize what I said at the time, it was recorded for me to watch again, and again.

I wanted to communicate better, but I often failed. I surrounded myself with 5x8 note cards with verses from the Bible about guarding your tongue: “Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing” (Proverbs 12:18), and “He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity” (Proverbs 21:23). I needed reminders, since I often fell back into old patterns of communicating, which weren’t very pleasant. Still, I always felt love and dedication—no matter how I was communicating. No marriage is perfect, but I was committed to ours.

My communication to the outside world also needed to change. I was thoroughly annoyed with fans, with people wanting to see our kids and touch them. At the time, I considered all fan attention unwanted and an annoyance. I just didn’t think through the obvious—that if I put my kids on TV people would fall in love with them. When viewers of our show would see our kids in real life, it would inevitably be exciting for them. I didn’t make the connection that having people who cared—fans—meant our show continued, and therefore our job continued. I needed the fans, but I didn’t know it.

I became aware of what a spoiled brat I was being. When I started speaking and telling our story and getting out in the world alone, I had the chance to look around and see reactions and responses rather than to focus so intensely on my eight kids.

When I would speak in front of an audience and tell them our story, I felt completely supported and loved by the crowd. It was truly amazing. And during my book signings, people waited in line for an autograph, and with tears in their eyes, they told me their stories in return. I’ve heard many times: “Kate, you’re such an inspiration to me. If you can do it with eight kids, I can do it with two.” That is so encouraging to me! Suddenly, I noticed a reciprocal supportive bond had formed. I now noticed that my fans had become my inspiration just as much as I was theirs. I truly am grateful for them!

I started to consciously pay attention and appreciate the people who supported me. Thousands of emails came in, crashing our server, telling us how glad they were that we were so real on TV. And I have no choice but to be real, by the way—I’m too busy to learn lines or rehearse.

I saw the world differently. I realized all moms are the same—we want the best for our families and want to do our best every day. I’m a mom first, like every other mom out there. I still identify with the unshowered stay-at-home mom wearing a dirty T-shirt and sweatpants with hair that sticks up.