I Just Want You to Know_ Letters to My Kids on Love, Faith, and Family - Kate Gosselin [46]
This identity confusion also translated into career questions. In our circle, moms usually stayed home while dads went to work, so sometimes it was difficult for the kids to understand why I was not home. Again, that came down to who was better suited for the task. Jon didn’t want to travel and speak—he did it, but he didn’t enjoy it—so he gave me his blessing to go ahead. I loved it, but I had to get over this guilty feeling of leaving my kids.
The good thing about our parenting styles was that we were equally involved, so the kids responded to both parents the same. One parent was as good as the other in our house. The kids got to the point where they wouldn’t blink when I would leave on trips. Dad was there, and they still had their stability. They were used to their schedule and Jon followed it exactly. They were always happy to see me when I came home, but they didn’t hang on my legs when I left. Also, Jon was involved in what I was doing outside the home too, as I discussed everything with him before I accepted any engagements.
In New York City, I noticed other moms were on the job scene as well. Where I lived, the career mom was not normal, but in New York it was. It was good to fit in. I missed my kids, but I realized many other moms did as well. I learned to talk to my kids on the phone and love them from afar, reminding myself that I had to do my job.
I didn’t know I would enjoy business, but after taking it on as a new challenge, I realized I loved it. Nursing had never been my ideal career, though it prepared me to be a better mom to my kids because I don’t have to rush them to the doctor every five seconds—part of God’s unique design for me, for which I am grateful. The challenge of this new career fit me perfectly, and I wanted to do more. I truly enjoyed the campaigns, books, shows, media—and people! I hadn’t always been good with people, being isolated in the house for the larger part of seven years, so it was a pleasant surprise to find how much I liked it.
I’ve come to realize that moms come in different packages—the stay-at-home mom, the working mom, the single mom.
When I started working and traveling, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was still a real mom. “Someone else is taking care of my kids right now, someone else is making their dinner, someone else is checking their homework.” Even if that someone else was Jon, I still had to remind myself that I was a real mom who needed to provide for my kids, and just because that provision now took on a different appearance didn’t mean I was any less of a mother.
Looking back, I feel fortunate that I signed up for those campaigns as they were good steps to building a career. I can see how God was preparing me for this time in my life; being a single mom, I now have to work to provide for my kids. Imagine if I never took on those other opportunities and remained a stay-at-home mom. My kids would have had to adjust to another change when I was thrust into the workforce. But they’re used to it now—and very proud of their hard-working mom!
I’m glad we were able to get used to the traveling piece of my job during that simpler time, because no matter what, it’s not easy. When I first began traveling, they missed me, but Jon was with them and kept to a strict schedule, so everything was the same. After a while, when I would go to leave, they would simply say, “Bye, Mommy,” since they were with their dad. It hurt my feelings a bit since they didn’t seem to mind my leaving, but it was good they were comfortable. Now they hang on me and say, “Please don’t go, Mommy. When will you be back?” They no longer have that stability.
It’s hard, but we work around it. When I’m traveling, they can call me anytime. Whenever my phone quacks—my ringtone for home—I dive on it. Cara calls me in the morning before she