I Just Want You to Know_ Letters to My Kids on Love, Faith, and Family - Kate Gosselin [45]
It’s not only the pressure we put on ourselves that causes guilt. It feels to me like moms often criticize other moms, especially when it comes to our appearance. This one is hard for me since my mommy transformation has played out so publically. Is there a law that says that once you have kids, you have to look frumpy and wear mom jeans and have mom hair? Didn’t we take care of ourselves before we had kids?
It’s important not to lose track of who you are. Besides, I think looking nice sets a good example for our kids. I’ve found that it improves self-confidence, which we can then pass along.
I went through my years of living in sweatpants and a T-shirt tiedyed with food and snot. Sometimes I didn’t have time to shower for three days or woke up in the morning wearing the same thing I wore the day before (and I can guarantee it wasn’t clean). I had my hair cut short since I didn’t have time to care for it long anymore. I wanted to be able to wake up in the morning and have my hair look the same, whether or not I brushed it. It was easy, quick, manageable.
But as my kids started to get older and needed less around-the-clock care, I tried to use our treadmill every day when they were asleep. I found it to be a great stress reliever.
One of the things I did for myself while I was recovering from my surgery was to get my hair cut and colored back to blonde. At the end of that day—with me in a new body, a new outfit, and a new hairstyle—the girls at the salon said they couldn’t believe my change from even a week earlier. One stylist said I looked like a model, which was fun to hear, even though I knew I still looked like a mom—though maybe an improved mom. I mention this comment because it meant so much to me at the time that I wrote it down in my journal. As moms, we don’t get all the encouragement we need, and I hope my stories give hope to other mothers who feel the same way. It’s okay to take care of yourself and feel beautiful!
I do feel a little self-conscious about this topic, because I did have the amazing opportunity to have a tummy tuck, and not everyone gets that chance. But even if I hadn’t, I would still feel it’s important to emphasize and be an example to my daughters the importance of taking care of yourself. You don’t have to be perfect, but it is important to be healthy and to feel good about yourself.
When my kids were little, I couldn’t spend much time on looking good. Dressing up consisted of putting on jeans to wear to the store, donning scrubs for work on Saturdays, and trying to look decent for church. I didn’t have time to care about what I wore outside of those occasions. In April 2008 I did my first promotional campaign, and started feeling somewhat like a professional. Transitioning to a new career gave me the excuse to fix myself up. I bought a few jackets for meetings and carried a work bag.
I hated being away from the kids though. The first time I left for a business trip to New York on my own, I got in the car and said to the driver, “You better go quick, or else I’m getting out.” I didn’t want to do it alone—without Jon or my family—but the income really made a difference for us.
In tears, I once asked my friend how he traveled for work, leaving his family at home, and he said, “I know they are at home and are okay so I try to focus on work and get home as soon as possible.”
I couldn’t help but think, “Easy for you to say. You’re the dad. You’re supposed to do this kind of thing; that’s normal.”
Being from a conservative suburban area, I struggled with gender stereotypes. Whenever Jon and I met a couple, I seemed to relate better to the husband than the wife. The husband was usually a type-A personality, and he usually handled the finances—which is what I did. And that