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sunlighting (US 1980s) doing a quite different job on one day of the working week

BRAINSTORMING

Ideas, as they say, are two a penny. But a sudden brainwave can be worth a month of pointless toil:

quaesitum (1748) the answer to a problem

just-add-water (UK current office jargon) an idea that is so brilliantly simple yet effective that it requires little by way of preparation

limbeck (1599) to rack or fatigue the brain in an effort to have a new idea

NO-DAY

However hard we try not to, we all have those days where our hard work seems to come to nought:

blue duck (New Zealand 1890) something unprofitable

windmill-tilt (US jargon 2006) a fruitless and frustrating venture: attacking imaginary enemies or fighting otherwise-unwinnable battles

salmon day (1990s) the entire day spent swimming upstream only to get screwed in the end

PUSHING THE ENVELOPE

The jargon of contemporary corporate life may seem absurd to the outsider, rich as it is in the most colourful of metaphors. But it’s certainly guaranteed to brighten up even the dullest day:

takeaway nuggets insights or information resulting from a meeting or interaction

sunset clauses stipulations that a contract or regulation will lapse unless renewed

to wash its own face to justify or pay for itself

push the peanut to progress an arduous and delicate task forward

ketchup-bottle a long period of inertia followed by a burst of exaggerated activity; the unplanned release of pent-up forces

swallow your own smoke to take responsibility for and/or suffer the consequences of your mistakes

MANAGERIE

Why are things so often discussed in animal terms? Is it because of a desperate subliminal desire to get out of the office?

shoot the puppy to dare to do the unthinkable

prairie dogging popping one’s head above an office cubicle out of curiosity or to spy on colleagues

lipstick on a pig an attempt to put a favourite spin on a negative situation

a pig in a python a surge in a statistic measured over time

boiling frog syndrome a company which fails to recognize gradual market change (as a slowly boiled frog may not detect a slow temperature increase)

moose on the table an issue which everyone in a business meeting knows is a problem but which no one wants to address

seagull manager a manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, shits all over everything, and then leaves

THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY – OFFICE ACRONYMS

SWOT Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats (a favourite of consultants)

PICNIC Problem In Chair, Not In Computer

WOMBAT Waste Of Money, Brains And Time

POET’S day Piss Off Early Tomorrow’s Saturday (refers to Friday)

BULLS AND BEARS

In good times and bad, the highly paid practitioners of both the City London and Wall Street have couched their dubious activities in their specialized jargon:

J-Lo (Wall Street) the rounding bottom in a stock’s price chart (after the curvaceous Jennifer Lopez)

Bo Derek (Wall Street) the perfect stock (after her famous film 10)

poop and scoop to drive down a share price by spreading malicious rumours

mattressing the term used by other traders and bank managers to hide their results

barefoot pilgrim someone who has lost everything on the stock market, but might still be persuaded to invest again

catch a falling knife to buy a stock as its price is going down, in the hope that it will go back up, only to have it continue to fall

ROOM AT THE TOP

If you have ability, however, and enough patience to continue to play the game, you will slowly but surely make your way up the corporate ladder:

royal jelly flashy projects fed to someone whom the boss is grooming for promotion

marzipan layer the group who are ranked below the very top in their profession, but ahead of the majority

tribal chiefs bosses who dominate through charisma and patronage

deceptionist a secretary whose job it is to delay or block potential visitors on behalf of their boss

FIRM HAND

Though we’d all like to believe that hard