If the Buddha Got Stuck_ A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path - Charlotte Sophia Kasl [14]
Demonstrate profound care and concern for the well-being of all life. Over and over I see that people who are generally unstuck see themselves as part of a larger community. They do not shield themselves from the suffering of others near and far and they participate in alleviating suffering, bringing kindness to others, and creating a more just world. This reflects their broad view of life and ability to get beyond self-absorption.
As you read this list, notice your reactions, both physical and mental. Do you pick up on how this list is lighter and more relaxed than the list of ways people keep themselves stuck?
As a psychotherapist working in the fields of trauma, addiction, and relationships for the past twenty-eight years, I am fully aware that many of the symptoms of being stuck stem from trauma. But painful experiences are not a life sentence. Many people have shifted from operating primarily in a stuck way to living more in accord with the qualities of being unstuck.
As a starting place, be completely compassionate and merciful with yourself—accept wherever you are this moment. Recognizing how and where you’re stuck is a crucial step to getting unstuck. It’s also important not to focus on the stuck aspects of your life, but rather take whatever items on the unstuck list that seem within your grasp and start practicing them in the same way you’d learn a new skill.
EXERCISE:
Beginning Steps for Getting Unstuck
Notice whenever your mind goes to negative or helpless thinking, and say, “negative,” or “oops.” Then have a pithy direct phrase to shift your perspective. “Okay, now what can I do?” “There’s got to be a way.” “People have changed their situation, so can I.” “What’s one step I can take today?” Shifting to proactive thinking is like jump-starting your system.
Notice when you are operating out of an emotionally-charged mind. Notice when you bring reason and reality to your thinking. Notice when you think through the long-term effects or consequences of your behavior.
Bond in joy and power with people and avoid bonding in pain, helplessness, and misery. Resist endless negative talk inside your head or with other people. Talk about what you are doing to take care of yourself, and take time to have fun with others.
5. Ease Your Way to Getting Unstuck with Buddhist Teachings
Zen in its essence is the art of seeing into the nature of one’s own being, and it points the way from bondage to freedom.
—D. T. SUZUKI, ESSAYS IN BUDDHISM
Buddhism offers a gentle and wise understanding of being stuck and getting unstuck. The Buddha’s focus was to explore the cause of suffering and the end of suffering. Once we understand that our misery is mostly self-created through our thoughts, attachments, or being controlled by sense desires, we have a powerful tool for moving out of our stuck places. We’ll start with the teachings called the Four Noble Truths.
The Four Noble Truths
The First Noble Truth, or the Truth of Dukkha: Life inevitably includes suffering or difficulty. Life can be scary, insecure, and difficult. We all experience change, loss, disappointment, illness, and eventually death. It’s the “what is” of life. When we fight against these events rather than being with them, we create an inner duality that leads to tension and suffering. In the Buddha’s day, dukkha referred to wheels with axles that were off center or bones that had slipped out of their sockets. Thus “the truth of dukkha” implies that we live life off center, out of joint, or out of sync when we resist our experience by blaming or saying it’s unfair or shouldn’t have happened.
The Second Noble Truth: Life is painful or difficult because of our attachments. You suffer when you demand that life be different than it is or when you are dragged around by sense