If the Buddha Got Stuck_ A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path - Charlotte Sophia Kasl [34]
Thus in the “I Am” we are one with consciousness and feel no separation from the One Substance of the Universe. There is no sense of a separate self.
The “I Am” is that place of simply being. It is spontaneous, creative, receptive, and open, unhindered by rigid shoulds, rules, concepts, and fixed beliefs. It is where we all began life. It is the place of our humanity—where pure love exists. From the “I Am,” we see into the heart of all things. We experience awe and wonder. It is the place most people long to return to when they embark on a spiritual journey.
EXERCISES:
Experience the Wordless “I Am”
Remember a time you were completely lost or engrossed in something you were doing, when time slid by, your mind was quiet and deeply focused on whatever you were doing. Take a deep breath. Take time to drift back there. How does your body feel? Notice the focus of your mind.
Pick up a beautiful crystal, pen, or object and simply experience it without any descriptive words. Hold it, turn it over, touch it in different ways, tap it, smell it, play with it. If your minds starts to analyze or describe it, quietly take a breath and come back to simply experiencing it. With time you will find yourself staying longer in a wordless fascinated state. As you stay with the experience you will find there is more and more to explore.
Throughout the day, focus on the phrase “I Am,” and drop everything that follows. Thus, if thoughts of I Am . . . clumsy, stupid, smart, or talented arise in your mind, gently disconnect them, take a breath, and say to yourself “I Am.”
And if the earthly has forgotten you,
say to the still earth: I flow.
To the rapid water speak: I am.
—RAINER MARIA RILKE , SONNETS TO ORPHEUS, II, 29
21. Step Out of the Garden: Notice the Power of False Core Beliefs
Between the ages of five to nine months, to our dismay we find we are not merged with our mother nor are we the center of her universe. We are separate! She has other people in her life. Terror strikes at our young heart. People start saying, “No, don’t do that,” and sometimes we are frustrated, unhappy, or scared, and no one comes. We are cast out of the paradise of “I Am.”
The level of our distress is deeply affected by the ability of our caregivers to attune to our sounds, gestures, and needs. Our distress is eased greatly when we are cradled in loving arms, mirrored, and looked at with delight by our primary caregiver who feels relaxed in his or her body.
If we are routinely neglected, hurt, hit, or shamed, or we observe violence, our nervous systems will be chronically agitated and our false core beliefs will become deeply rooted in our psychological make-up. At worst they become like a Goliath looming over us, storming about inside, criticizing, censoring, mercilessly harping at us, convincing us we are unlovable or a loser. The tenacity and pervasiveness of our false core beliefs will vary tremendously.
Even in the best of situations, however, we need to deal with the prospect of being a separate human being, along with the reality that we are completely helpless and unable to care for ourselves. It might go something like this—unconsciously, of course. “Oh my gosh, I’m no longer merged with my mother, this is scary. I must have done something wrong, how can I get her back? I’d better do whatever it takes to make sure she stays with me.” (Does this sound a bit like what happens in lover relationships?) The child wanting to feel merged instead of separate comes to a conclusion about what went wrong or what he