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• Classic-Fiction

Here are some core beliefs that start to emerge:*

I am defective

I am shameful

I am unlovable

I am powerless over my life

I am unwanted

I will always be abandoned

My body is defective or shameful

I am worthless

I am inadequate

I don’t exist

I am alone

See which beliefs ring true for you. While most of us have some aspects of these false core beliefs, there is usually one in particular that becomes the central belief around which we organize our personality. This concept of a single organizing personality trait derives from historic Sufi teachings, which became the Enneagram.

Culture, Family, and Genetic Filter

The formation of our false core beliefs is a process affected by millions of interactions over the years with our parents, families, and social system. It’s a combination of what happens around us and what we bring to a situation—our perceptions and internal reactions and conclusions we come to—that become our belief system and ways of coping. We bring to the table an exquisite mix of genetics, temperament, education, intelligence, physical ability, chance events, and cultural messages affected by class, race, and ethnic background.

As survival creatures, we tend to adopt types of behavior and skills that help us fit in, gain approval, get attention, and avoid harm or rejection. In some families acceptance is readily given, in others we find ourselves fighting against parental scripts, and in yet others we seek ways to survive chaos, insensitivity, and violence.

As we slip away from the state of “I Am,” we enter the world of language—of good and bad, right and wrong, acceptable and not acceptable. Language, beliefs, and fitting in begin to overshadow the simplicity and peacefulness of “I Am.”

Two Diverging Paths

We tend to veer off from the natural self in two different ways. Some people deny their power, anger, strength, and right to self-expression and seek security through others—I’ll be rescued, some day my prince/ princess will come. Other people deny their need for human connection, affiliation, care, and support and take on the stance, you can’t count on anyone, I can do it myself. Many people do some of both. In either case, the person becomes fragmented because they are denying various parts of themselves, from their intelligence, ability to act, and need for affiliation, to their anger, fear, and grief. Instead of be-ing in the flow of life, they spend their energy pushing away and hiding various parts of themselves. This leads to self-absorption and feeling separate, which creates anxiety.

Stories to Reduce Anxiety or Uneasiness

The people who deny their power, strengths, and self-expression tend to feel insecure and look for someone to take care of them. It sounds a bit like the fairy tales—I’ll feel secure when I find someone who adores me, when I’m told I’m beautiful and I have a nice home to live in. The stories often center around some magical, unlikely event taking place that will ease all of one’s suffering and make life sweet and easy. From finding the all-loving or rich partner, to winning the lottery, to a dreamy notion that things will just get better on their own. It’s like living with one foot off the ground, not realizing the need to be proactive in one’s own life.

The “I don’t need anyone” (or “I won’t let anyone get close to me”) side might feel like, “I am strong, I can cope, I can figure it out myself, and I don’t need anyone.” As a result a person might become extremely skilled in a profession yet be uneasy and afraid in relationships—emotionally and physically walled off from the ability to love and be loved. “I must do it myself,” is a natural conclusion to come to if early relationships have been fraught with hurt, loneliness, and inconsistency. But the truth is, we all need relationships and a sense of belonging to feel at ease in life.

Either type of story makes us feel uneasy and off center and we wind up losing access to crucial aspects of ourselves. Creating a pattern of behavior to try to cope with