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By Root 1004 0

in reality is to take the fear out of our hearts, the blinders off our eyes, the censors out of our minds, and the mufflers off our ears and see the whole picture of life with its many shades and colors—from beauty, joy, and love, to suffering, pain, and cruelty. It’s there, it’s the “what is” of life. To live in reality is to see the “what is” of a situation without making interpretations that take us into our head and away from experience. If it’s cold and rainy, instead of saying, “It’s a nasty day,” you simply say, “It’s cold and rainy.” (Having lived through two recent fire seasons brought home how much this is all relative. How we longed for a cold rainy day.) If a child is smiling at herself in the mirror, you don’t say, “Oh she loves looking at herself,” you say, “She’s smiling at herself in the mirror.” That’s all you really know. The rest is an interpretation coming through your filter that takes you away from being completely in reality.

This may sound like a small thing, but when we move away from reality into interpretations, judgments, and conclusions, we move away from our deepest experience of life. You can experiment with this and see what it feels like to you. It’s subtle but powerful.

To live in reality is also to allow ourselves to feel our emotions. If you have to wait two hours at the doctor’s office, you’re moving away from reality when you grit your teeth and say to yourself, “I shouldn’t be upset. I don’t want to seem like an angry person.” The truth is that you are frustrated and angry and wish the hell they’d use more sense in scheduling appointments. This doesn’t mean you need to scream at the office staff, but you don’t have to bottle up your feelings either. You can feel them, then consider what would be respectful yet honest to say.

Living in reality helps you notice what you truly want and don’t want. For example, let yourself know who you’d really like to invite over for dinner. No shoulds. No “that’s not nice.” Allow yourself to scan your list of friends and see who brings up a warm or happy feeling.

To live in reality is to realize that all the censors, critics, and saboteurs in your mind are relics from the past. Sometimes you move into reality by simply noticing your behavior. Here’s an example: Although Mac loved music, he entered engineering school because engineering was a much higher status, higher money-making profession. After his first semester of getting nearly all As, his grades slowly dropped, largely because he was spending so much time in a jazz band and other musical groups. By his second year, the grades dropped further and his adviser asked him in to talk. He asked Mac, “Tell me about all the musical activities you’re part of.” After he heard the list, he said to Mac, “What is this telling you?” Forty years later, Mac is still waking up with joy to teach high school music.

When we live in reality we simply hear what people are saying without adding or subtracting any interpretations or meaning. We take note of those nagging feelings that say, “don’t do it,” or the bright feelings that say, “why not, it could be a great adventure.” If someone is harming us, we don’t make up excuses or reasons; we see the harm. Conversely, we also are open to the incredible care, beauty, kindness, and love that is all around us.

Being in reality helps us make wise decisions about jobs, relationships, and lifestyle changes, as well as all the little decisions that pepper our lives. We feel an internal resonator instead of a critic and censor. Rather than being confused by thoughts such as, “I don’t deserve something so good,” or “What will my parents think?” we ask “Is this job realistic for me, does it fit with my relationships, my goals, my desired lifestyle?” It feels much simpler.

Being in reality also opens the way to loving relationships. I’m here with you right now—not some image of what I want you to be, not some fearsome face from the past. I’m in a living, breathing, dynamic exchange with you that includes feelings, thoughts, and that undefinable experience beyond words. The