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Imagine taking off all the deceptions and distortions as if they were a cloak around you, being completely clear and honest and giving up control of the outcome of situations. How does it feel? Scary? Relieving? What comes to mind? Shedding the skin of deception is a courageous step in the journey of becoming unstuck. It brings a clarity and freedom to the flow of your inner world. Nothing left to hide, no fear of your past catching up to you!

What a blessing to keep company with another person who is deeply honest—to trust that he or she will say if they are upset, keep agreements, own their part in a situation, talk openly about their lives, admit to mistakes, and be kind. To be immaculate in living and telling the truth is to feel the luster of integrity shining in our lives. It takes us home to the best part of ourselves and brings us into profound connection with our brothers and sisters on the journey.

EXERCISE:

Explore Your Experiences with Truth and Deception

What is your history related to truth and deception? Have you been deceived in overt and covert ways? As a child? As an adult? How did you feel as a result? What effects does it have on your life?

Think of someone you can count on to be truthful in a kind way. What is it like being with that person?

What are ways in which you are dishonest, either by commission or omission, or by exaggerating? What underlies this? Fear, insecurity, wanting to be liked?

Think of what it would take to be more honest. (Aware of your feelings, more secure, not worried about what others think, willing to reveal yourself.)

Who are the people you are most honest with? What makes it easy to be open with them? What makes it more difficult with others?

28. Start Telling Your Truths, One Level at a Time

Lovers of wisdom must open their minds to very many things indeed.

—HERACLITUS

Truths are seldom fixed. We could talk about your truth as your perspective in the moment, or what feels right for you. To free yourself by telling your truths means to attune deeply to the emotions and thoughts that come from your core, and to reveal them. It keeps your interior world flowing and open rather than restricted or congested. The concept of living by our truths permeates life in many ways, but if you can focus on some basics, you will have a clear way to begin.

The first level of truth telling is simply stating facts without exaggerating, subtracting, embroidering, or distorting them.

Gary, forty-eight, spoke in an interview about his troubled childhood, his absent, raging father, subsequent contentious relationships, and a marriage strewn with affairs, broken agreements, deception, hanging on, and eventual divorce. He spoke of repeating the patterns of his father with his own sons: I didn’t listen to them, play catch, or take them fishing.

As we were coming to the end of our time together, having revealed a life filled with regret and sadness, he said, in a heartfelt way, his eyes shining with tears, “I just want to be honest. I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, and I don’t want to feel guilty.”

I asked, “What does that mean in your everyday life?”

Gary replied, “It means to tell the truth. Not to exaggerate when I speak—not say we caught a zillion fish when that’s nonsense. We caught four. Not to say I earned five thousand dollars this month when I earned three. I want to keep agreements, be timely in paying bills, be proud of what I do, honest in my relationships.”

The truth expressed in this simple way is the starting place for many people. Not stretching, fudging, avoiding, or omitting anything. Just say how much you spent, how many chocolates you ate, how many (or few) miles you went on the treadmill, whether or not you made the difficult phone call, how much you like a poem you wrote, how someone hurt your feelings. No more, no less, no complicated stories.

The second level of living in truth is telling the truth about our inner experience, which has to do with being clear about our feelings.