If the Buddha Got Stuck_ A Handbook for Change on a Spiritual Path - Charlotte Sophia Kasl [70]
Managing energy isn’t about always having everything done; it’s about balancing the important things in life. I remember a balmy summer night in Athens, Ohio, rocking on my front porch swing; there was a ten-foot expanse between my porch and Millie Bean’s porch, and Millie would be there swaying in her rocking chair, fanning herself, and occasionally spraying mosquitos. My daughter referred to Millie Bean as her grandma-next-door, because she could always go there for company or a long sit on her ample lap.
When I commented, “I should go in and clean up,” Millie said, “Aw, stay and talk to me. The dirt will still be there.” And she was right—the dirt stayed but she wasn’t there much longer, and I’m glad I kept swinging away and talking with her on that hot muggy night. The point is to choose between letting some things go, doing what is essential, and then taking time to relax. Grass and dust will wait; the time to enjoy your loved ones is now. What lasts in our hearts are the memories of feeling close to those we love.
Being efficient is also about making life restful so you have clear energy for the important things. It is not uncommon for people in the United States to be on the move from morning to night without a break. Contrast this to England, for example, where tea time is an institution in which everything stops. You sit, have tea, and chat, uninterrupted by anything else. This brings to mind the Eastern tradition of bowing and saying namaste—I salute the divinity/light in you—whenever you meet someone. There’s a pause, acknowledgment, and a moment of quiet, similar to taking a deep breath.
Take the pause that refreshes. Part of restfulness is about doing one thing at a time interspersed with breaks to rest. This brings to mind going for a music coaching session with the violinist I accompanied many years ago at Professor Blatt’s home. The professor, who was of German descent, was the opera conductor at the University. We were cordially greeted and invited to sit down for tea and cookies, all nicely arranged at a table. After our friendly chat, during which Professor Blatt showed complete interest in our lives, we got to work, and I mean work—intense, emotional, and directive as in: “No! No! Softer, softer . . . let it relax. Now, let it flow, there, that’s right. Now do it again. Again.” The impression I took from that experience was that being totally immersed in whatever you are doing—be it a pause or an activity—brings a great richness to life, and a deep sense of order.
Preserving your energy also means taking care not to get drained by relationships. The first step is to be more direct, forthright, and connected to your emotions in your conversations with family and friends. Take the fewest number of words to be kind and say what’s true. You can start your sentences out with phrases such as, “I like it when,” “I don’t like it when,” “I feel happy when,” “I feel upset when.” Or, for example, you could say, “Here’s what I’d like to do, how do you feel about that?” “Thanks a lot for the invitation, but I’m not able to come. I’d love to see you another time.”
Clients will sometimes say that they talked about “it” for three hours. The truth doesn’t take much time when you are in touch with your emotions and are direct about what you want. People get lost in a jungle of analyzing, making points, explaining, justifying, or making links to childhood, but the real connection comes when you say, “I’m afraid you’ll leave.” “I love it when you smile at me that way.” “I’d like to take a trip to a lake together this weekend.” That’s real.
This doesn’t preclude talking about your day, or telling stories around a camp fire, but even then, the more you talk from the core of your experience and include your emotions, the more engaging it will be.
A second aspect of preserving your energy in relationships can mean taking yourself out of some situations, not taking on other people’s problems, and managing