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Natural sparkling water is naturally carbonated spring water or spring water that has gone flat and has been recarbonated to the exact level of carbonation it had before it wasn’t flat . . . if that makes any sense.

Club soda, seltzer, and soda water are classified as soft drinks, not bottled waters, because they are essentially tap water that’s been manipulated by man. In most cases sodium bicarbonate has been added along with other flavorings (quinine in the case of tonic water) and salts. Since it contains soda, these waters are often used in baking and in certain batters, such as tempura. If you have a recipe that calls for club soda or soda water, do not replace it with naturally sparkling mineral water or you’ll be sorry.

Now, say you go into a store and pick up a bottle of water that bears a three-color graphic of crystal-clear water gushing from a pristine mountain crag. Looks good, right? Okay, now look for the words “purified water” or simply “drinking water.” Find them? That water came from a municipal source—the tap—and has been purified and possibly fortified with minerals. So skip the pictures and go for the small type. “Glacial water” must by law come from a glacier. “Naturally sparkling” water must come straight from a spring, with bubbles.

HARD AND SOFT WATER

Hard water happens when water absorbs CO2(thus becoming acidic like acid rain), then comes in contact with limestone or rocks or soil containing calcium, magnesium salts, bicarbonates, chlorides, and the like. Since it’s a great solvent, the acidic water dissolves and absorbs large amounts of these solids. They remain in the solution until the water is either heated (in your hot water heater or tea kettle) or has its pressure rapidly reduced (your kitchen faucet or dishwasher sprayers). Then they become rocklike deposits that stick readily to things we don’t want them to stick to. Hard water is also terrible at washing things. That’s because it’s already got its molecular mitts full of minerals and can’t get a grip on soap or dirt.

Soft water is the opposite of hard water. It’s relatively free of dissolved solids so it’s a great solvent and soap’s best friend. However, when it come to drinking or cooking water there is such a thing as too soft. Very soft water is flat tasting (like distilled water) and since it lacks minerals, not as good for you as harder water. Super-soft water also tends to brew lackluster coffee, tea, and beer.

As more heat is added, the action on the dance floor gets frantic. Add enough heat, and the water will eventually come to a boil. Hydrogen bonds break down, the atmospheric pressure holding the water in the pot will be overcome, and the liquid will begin to move into the vapor state we call steam. When that happens, the water expands radically, like disco dancers who suddenly decide to break into a Viennese waltz. Food placed in this environment may not bump into many molecules, but those that are encountered contain considerable energy. While this is bad news, for say, your hand, it’s good news for delicate foods that would otherwise be torn to shreds in the boiling water discotheque.

Since most of us can open up a tap and take as much of the planet’s water as we want, we tend to think of water as a constant rather than an ingredient. I’ve seen cooks spend all morning at the farmers’ market, hand picking the finest designer-organic-heirloom vegetables, only to chuck them straight into a pot of tap water that smells like the kiddie pool at the Y. If your municipal agua leaves something to be desired, you should either filter it or give up and start from scratch. (If you’re curious about what’s coming out of your taps, request a water quality report from your local water company.)

Filter Your Water

I might be willing to pay three bucks for a latte every now and then, but I just can’t bring myself to pay a buck for a pint of water. I don’t care what glacier it dripped off of or what Alp it perked up out of, I still think it’s a rip-off (see What’s in Your Bottle).