Incubus Dreams - Laurell K. Hamilton [259]
“You sound surprised,” I said.
“Because Raina was our lupa for so long a lot of the werewolves are into BDSM, too, but I learned everything I ever wanted to know about it from Raina and Gabriel, and their accomplices.”
I almost didn’t say it, but he said he’d come to me for the truth. I’d see if he really wanted truth, or just some of it. “Richard, you say you like fear with your sex. You like the game of fear, and you like your sex rough.”
He was looking at me, the look was a warning. Those dark brown eyes were willing me not to finish, but if I didn’t tell him, who would?
“You enjoy the scene, too, Richard.”
“I don’t—”
I held up a hand. “You don’t do what Raina and Gabriel and some others did, but you can be a little in without being a sexual sadist. Some people think just enjoying teeth and nails during sex is sadistic.”
He was shaking his head over and over. If it hurt the scratches on his face, he didn’t show it this time. “Just because I like teeth and nails doesn’t mean I’m like that. I’m not like them.”
“If you mean Raina and Gabriel, no, you’re not. But you didn’t run from me just because you thought I was bloodthirsty. You ran because with me you couldn’t keep pretending.”
“Pretending what? I’m not pretending anything.”
“It’s not just you that’s been pretending, Richard.”
“Pretending what?” His anger started to fill the room, hot and close, like a storm that hadn’t broken yet.
“I like teeth and nails during sex. Hell, I like biting alone without much sex. I like the feel of flesh between my teeth.”
He looked away. “That’s my fault, and Jean-Claude’s. It’s our hungers in you.”
“Maybe, but they’re still in me, and it’s still something I enjoy. I may never be as comfortable around the scene as Nathaniel is, and that worries me, because if he’s mine, then I want him to be happy. But I’ve had to stop pretending that I don’t like rough sex. Jason said that I like dominant men, because they sort of take charge, and I don’t have a choice. The reason I was able to avoid Nathaniel for so long was he tried to get me to do all the moves. I need a little dominance play, or I don’t play. I thought he was crazy, but it’s been a busy twenty-four hours, and I’m tired of running.”
He looked back at me. “Running, running from what?”
“Same thing you are, myself.”
“You’re not—”
I stopped him with a hand again. “Yeah, I was. Maybe I still am. There are parts of my life that I don’t want to look at. Someone told me that it’s okay that I like two men in bed with me. I argued with them, Richard. I argued that, no I didn’t.” I took two steps closer to him. “But arguing is pretty silly, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“I’m dating Jean-Claude and Asher. I was dating you and Jean-Claude.”
“Not at the same time in the same date,” he said.
I waved it away. “Fine, I’ll leave you out of it. But I’m still dating Jean-Claude and Asher. I’m living and sharing a bed with Micah and Nathaniel. Yes, it was sort of accidental. I didn’t try to get into either situation on purpose, but I’m there. And now with Damian and Nathaniel, I’ve got another threesome where I’m the only girl. Not on purpose, but after awhile, Richard, arguing that I don’t enjoy two men together with me just sounds silly.”
“Do you?” he asked.
I didn’t owe him the answer, but maybe I owed myself one. I’d only admitted it to myself seconds ago. “Yes, being in the middle of two men just flat does it for me. Just the feel of them on either side just flat does it for me.” I waited for the blush to start, or at least the embarrassment, but it didn’t. It was true, and it was okay. I was okay. I had men in my life that thought it was okay.
Richard looked at the floor, as if whatever he saw in my face he didn’t want to see. Or maybe there was something in his face he didn’t want me to see. “I could never do that.”
“No one’s asked you to.”
He looked