Inside Out - Lauren Dane [121]
He hugged her, his head hanging, and then he was gone and she was alone.
Alone enough to finally free the tears she’d been choking back the entire time she’d made the toughest decision of her entire life. If he didn’t come back, she’d still love him, he’d still have changed her life for the better in so many ways she couldn’t begin to add it all up. But boy, she sure hoped her inner voice was right and that he would figure it out and take the risk she’d asked for.
26
Walking out her door was the hardest thing he’d ever done. He had his own tears to shed as he stood there, just outside her apartment, heart aching as he heard the first sob from inside. He could go back in there right now and tell her to forget about it, that he loved her and didn’t need any time to figure that out. He did love her, and she knew it.
But he knew she deserved more. Deserved all of him just as she’d asked, and he had to figure out if he could give it. So he turned and walked away, needing to bounce his situation off someone. But who?
Normally he’d seek out Ben, but Ben had enough problems just then. Adrian had been helpful, but he hadn’t been where Cope was right now. He’d been helpful enough earlier that day, but Cope needed to talk with someone who was in a relationship that worked.
He drove around awhile, in the end, heading to the hospital because he needed to check in anyway.
And maybe because he knew there would be someone there who could help him find his way past this massive roadblock of fear that choked his fucking every thought.
He recognized Brody’s truck in the lot across the way and found the big man talking with Todd in the waiting room.
“I say next time we meet we go for a place with better lighting.” He plopped down next to Todd. “Here.” Cope handed him a bag. “Thought Erin would appreciate something to do. It’s a handheld system with some games.”
Todd laughed. “She’ll love it. Thanks.”
“How is she?”
“The same pretty much. Bored out of her head. Grumpy. Scared. Her protein levels are better today. Alexander is right as rain. He’s active and apparently happy in there.”
“Good. Anything I can do?”
Todd sighed. “For now, no. Ella called earlier to say she’d check in at the café, but I told her Erin gave everyone the day off. She said she’d come in this morning to bring magazines and books. Erin says she’s going to come out here so she can visit with everyone, though. If it wasn’t raining so hard I’d take her out for a walk in the gardens in the back. She needs it.”
“I figured Ella would come in with you.” Brody gave him a once-over.
“It’s complicated.”
Both men goggled at him. “Complicated? What does that mean? You didn’t cheat on her, did you?”
“Why would you think that? I’m not an ape, you know; I can keep my dick in my pants or in my girl. For the record, I have no desire to step out on Ella. What other woman could compare anyway?”
“So what makes it complicated?”
“Dude, your wife is in a hospital room right now. You have your own problems. Don’t sweat it.”
“Andy, we’ve been friends since before we had our permanent teeth. If that’s not worth sweating over, I don’t know what is. Erin is going to be fine. This is my mantra. I should have Brody ink it on my arm so I can look at it over and over. But she is, she will be and so will Alexander. Spill.”
He took a deep breath and began to talk. “How do you get past the fear? Do you feel it?”
Brody nodded. “Hell yes. My god, when we didn’t know if those fuckers would be successful at taking Rennie from Elise? I wanted to howl. I wanted to tear shit up. I wanted to fly to New York, find them, and beat them bloody. I knew Elise would fall apart if that happened, and I knew what my life would be like without that kid too. I knew what it would be to see this woman I adore lose that child. And I wondered if I would be enough if that were the case. Enough to keep her living with a purpose. And then I got sort of pissed about it, because why shouldn’t I be first? Why wouldn’t I be enough? Was I enough? Was I good enough? What if she looked