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Use white envelopes. With a black marker, draw a stripe around the edges. It won’t be noticeable until it’s in a stack. The offeror will open it first because it’ll stand out.

Faxmail and then call to follow up (Do 40).

No reply from a local offeror? Plan an instanting day around its facility!

Do 11: Dollaring for Instant Interest

Do you want an offeror to know you’re a valuable asset? Send her a dollar bill!

Who does that? Clark Conventional? I don’t think so. Clark Conventional spends half that on a stamp and twice that on a worry pill.

Here’s how it’s done.

Go to the Bank and Get 20 Crisp Dollar Bills

These will cost $20, so be prepared. The good news is that they cost no more than the funky ones in your wallet.

So, give George a facelift. Bad enough he’s green and shrinking.

First impressions, you know.

Pick 20 Local Places Where You’d Like to Work

Let’s say these are a music store, a recording studio, and a record label.

Working at these places would make you very happy because you love music. No boss, co-workers, or work could change that.

Only you’re a brain surgeon. Even worse, you’ve got the shakes. So not fixing brains any more is a no-brainer. You can control it with pills, but not that well.

You go to a career counselor and take a battery of tests. You discover job incompatibility between brain surgery and working in a music store.

Job incompatibility is a careerfolk bigphrase that means, “You ain’t done it, so you can’t do it.”

It’s one example of how the fancy phrase becomes a new disease. Once you’ve got it, you need a cure. Only there’s none because you’re unqualified. Go find something else. How about watch repair?

This is why the whole job thing is so gross. You were in one box, and all that you can do is get into a smaller one.

My first question is, “What’s this with you and music?” Of course, it turns out you sold records in high school, hung around a recording studio in college, and visited a studio when artists were recording.

You’ve got a photographic memory for artists and songs (naturally—it’s what you love), know all about recording studios (because you’ve visited every one in town just for enjoyment), and have a friend who works for that record label (that fits—friends have similar interests).

Now, you . . .

Write the Letter

Here’s what a job-to-die-for letter looks like:

Digital Beat Recording Studio

230 Hiphop Highway

Singatune, NY 21873

ATTN: Carey Beat, President

Dear Carey,

I visited Digital Beat last year, and my goal is to assist you in making it the most successful studio in Singatune.

The dollar enclosed is my first contribution. I’d like to follow it with doing more than you ask for whatever you think would grow the business. From what I’ve seen locally, we should be able to double the business within 18 months.

I’ve become thoroughly familiar with the latest digital conversion techniques, have a lifelong love of music, can help you book artists fast, and see a big potential for Digital Beat acting as their agent.

I’m also a technically proficient professional with 24 years of experience in the surgical field. However, it’s not my passion. Booking and recording artists is. I’ll call you next week and look forward to speaking with you.

Thanks for your anticipated interest!

Very truly yours,

Noah U. Cutter

Encl.: $1 bill

Note that we used contractions like “I’d, “I’ve,” and “I’m.” This is not a formal letter—we’re enclosing a gimmick! Besides, we’re writing to a recording studio owner-operator, not the dean of a university.

Next you . . .

Google Recording Studios

Click on the addresses of web sites so you’ll know the names of new equipment, their uses, prices, and as many buzzwords (and buzzphrases) as you can find. Write down the information. Practice the words. When people in any business talk to each other, buzzwords are the shorthand they use to let each other know they’re hip.

When you use