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Kids adapt as long as you hug, explain, and thank. Give them as much time as you can, but your success is for them too. Never miss an event of theirs—that’s a rule.

Your friends will probably not stick around. You’ll be leaving them in the dust anyway. Sad but true.

Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your lifestyle. When you look back after the dust clears, you’ll wonder why you were stuck in the ditch with them for so long.

There are three simple techniques you can use to get your spouse on your side.

Here they are.

Moving the Ball

Later, we will talk about the benefits of parroting, or playing back, an offeror’s words (Do 51). Using parroting, your answer or other reply immediately has you aligned with the other person and locks you into position to steer him into wanting you very badly.

When you’re dealing with those who know you well, parroting doesn’t work. You’re just playing catch. They know how you throw. So repeating their words just makes them think you’re playing a game (which you are).

Here’s an example:

Spouse: Oh, you’re going on an interview Sunday morning. Does that mean you won’t cook breakfast?

You: Yes, I’m going on an interview Sunday, and I won’t cook breakfast.

It’s just a hearing test.

So you move the ball like this:

Spouse: Oh, you’re going on an interview Sunday morning. Does that mean you won’t cook breakfast?

You: That’s right. I’m going on an interview Sunday to a dress manufacturer, and I’m really excited about the designer opportunity. I’ll be no more than an hour. Let’s go together. You can wait in the car and listen to your favorite songs, or go window-shopping for an hour. I’ll call you on your cell if it will be any longer. Then we can treat ourselves to a brunch over there when I’m done. I’ll tell you all about how it goes. And you won’t have to clean any dishes!

Look at what just magically happened. Your spouse actually learned that you want to go out on a date with him. You welcomed him into your working world. He was lonely.

Depending on how the interview goes, you can decide how much you want to spend on the brunch. Be sure to insist. That’s the deal.

If you don’t, at least go out to eat somewhere. Otherwise you haven’t moved the ball; you’ve dropped it.

He’ll parrot you. Again and again.

Unclogging the Blockage

Unless you work with your spouse, he doesn’t really know (and therefore can’t be expected to appreciate) your pressures. He just knows you won’t be cooking breakfast Sunday.

You unclog the blockage by recognizing what it is. This is what happens when you pursue your passion, and it’s not him. He’s alone, bewildered, shut out.

How about this:

You: I know I won’t be home to cook breakfast Sunday morning. Why don’t I do it Saturday morning before I go out on interviews? I really want to spend some time with you Saturday night. Let’s spend a quiet evening at home together. Surprise me. I’ll call you between interviews and be back by five. I just think this designer opportunity will be wonderful for our future.

Why does this one work? Because you’re giving your husband what every lover misses with a working other—companionship.

You can do it. They can help!

Getting Participation

It’s simple and painless.

The reason is that getting your spouse’s participation doesn’t require you to look down. You maintain your focus and just get someone else’s perspective who has a stake in your success.

This alone makes you a better interviewer—particularly with members of the opposite sex. But it also makes you better because the buy-in has your spouse in that optimum you-and-me-against-the-problem mode. It’s no longer “you against me.” (Do 56)

Role-play in interviews. I wrote The Complete Q&A Job Interview Book specifically for this exercise. It sells well because it works well. There are a lot of imitators now, but none show you how to use the “actor factor” to nail interviews on those