It's My Life - Melody Carlson [13]
FIVE
Monday, July 30 (my big idea)
I prayed about this and got this really strong sense of peace, like it's something I was supposed to do. But just to be safe, I decided to check with my parents and run it past Pastor Tony first.
You see, I really want for Beanie to be able to come with us to Mexico. And I know she doesn't have much money and really needs what she's managed to save. Especially since her dear, sweet mother, Lynn, has pretty much written her off. Big surprise there. But anyway, I thought to myself: what if Beanie got some sort of anonymous missions scholarship or something? Because I know she has way too much pride to allow someone else to pay her way. But maybe if she didn't know who it was or exactly why. Well, just maybe she would be able to accept it and go. And I really think she needs to go. I think it might help her to heal and get back to being a “normal” teenager again (if that's even possible).
So I checked with my parents and Pastor Tony and they all thought it was a great idea, and actually offered to chip in too. And we all promised to keep it top secret. Pastor Tony will present the gift to Beanie, just saying that an anonymous donor gave it, and then we'll all act real surprised and everything. I made sure even Ben didn't hear us talking. He's a good kid and all, but he can be a real blabbermouth sometimes.
Tony's going to give it to her tomorrow, and I just have to wait for the call and then act all surprised. This is fun!
Tuesday, July 31 (this isn't fun)
Okay, Beanie calls me up tonight, but she sounds kind of glum again. And then she tells me about how Pastor Tony just gave her this scholarship to go to Mexico and how she's not at all happy about it.
“But why not?” I ask, trying not to reveal anything. “I think it would be great if you came. We'd have so much fun together. What exactly is the problem anyway?”
“I just don't like taking charity.”
“Beanie.” I try to make my voice sound all serious and mature. “First of all, how do you know that someone in the church didn't hear God telling them to give it to you? I mean, you could in essence be saying no to God. And plus this trip is to help others who are less fortunate than you. Maybe the person who gave the scholarship can't go and they think if they send someone in their place, it will allow them to bless somebody else in Mexico. I mean, think about it, do you seriously want to be responsible for some poor Mexican kid losing this blessing?”
She kind of laughed at that. Then she said something that left me speechless. “You might be right, Cate. And now that I think about it, I wonder if Zach might've possibly donated this. You know, ‘cause he feels so bad about everything and all. Maybe it's his way to make amends or something.”
Well, my stomach just turned over, and I had to swallow hard to control myself from saying something really mean and totally regrettable. Like, I'm sure, selfish old Zach would even care whether Beanie went to Mexico or not! Good grief!
“Um, Beanie, have you actually seen Zach lately?” I finally said in a very courteous and controlled manner. She said she hadn't. Then I asked if he even knew about her losing the baby.
“No.” Her voice got kind of flat.
“So, do you plan on telling him?”
“Oh, I don't know,… I guess if I see him. And, who knows, maybe he's already heard about it. I think he and Josh might still do stuff together sometimes. Maybe Josh told him.”
“Yeah, maybe so. Isn't it ironic that Zach's the one who originally got Josh all excited about the youth group and the Mexico trip, and now Zach's not even around anymore.”
“Well, maybe I should let Zach know about the baby.” Her voice grew sad, and I knew she was feeling that pain all over again, and I wished I'd never brought this whole thing up.
“Oh, I don't see why, Beanie. Zach never really seemed to care that much about the baby anyway.” An understatement, I'm thinking, since Zach wanted the baby killed in an abortion!
“It's not just that, Cate. I'm thinking, maybe if he knows I'm not pregnant anymore, then maybe