It's My Life - Melody Carlson [17]
“I believe He can do that, Beanie! And honestly, after tonight and after talking with Zach, I really believe God can do all kinds of miracles. I really do!”
“Me too, Cate.” And I could just hear the big, old smile in her voice. Then we said good night and promised to get together tomorrow after work. Beanie's not sure exactly what she'll do with regard to Zach just yet, and she doesn't want it to look like she's pursuing him (because she's definitely not), but she wants to extend a hand of friendship, which I assured her he'd probably appreciate. And now I'm going to bed. What a night!
THANK YOU, GOD, FOR DOING A MIRACLE. AND I PRAY THAT YOU WILL CONTINUE WORKIGN ON ZACH'S HEART. PLEASE SHOW HIM HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM AND HOW YOU'VE FORGIVEN HIM AND ALL THE GOOD THINGS YOU HAVE IN STORE FOR HIM. AMEN AND AMEN!!!
Thursday, August 2 (things are looking up)
Today after work, I went by to pick up Beanie and we went out for tacos and to rehash everything that happened yesterday. She was still feeling pretty good, certainly the happiest I've seen her in ages. “I was kind of hoping Zach would call,” she said as she picked at her taco. “But I can understand why he wouldn't. But I just hope he's doing okay, Cate. I wish he had someone to talk to.”
“What about Josh?” I suggested. “Or Greg?”
“Yeah, maybe we should give them a call and let them know Zach's in need.” Then we noticed the pay phone and decided there was no time like the present. I did the calling. Greg wasn't home, but Josh was, and I started telling him what was going on but got interrupted by the pay phone computer voice demanding more money. (Man, those guys are heartless!) Josh asked where I was and offered to come over and talk. So Beanie and I refilled our drinks and waited for him to show up. Then the three of us talked about ways we might be able to help encourage Zach, and I have to admit (only to this diary) that Josh grew in my eyes tonight. Just listening to him really care about someone besides himself and his wanting to help made me see him in a whole new light. But now, I'm telling myself, calm down, Caitlin girl, don't you go getting yourself all worked up–remember your commitment not to date,… But honestly, tonight it was tempting to just put all that behind me when I saw Josh sitting there being so mature and concerned, and okay, good-looking too! But the good news is, I won't succumb! My heart belongs to God and I won't break my promise to Him. And if Josh and I can just be friends, great. And if not, fine. But I'm not turning back. Not at all!
So anyway, Josh decided to head right over and check on Zach tonight (much to our relief), and then he promised to call and tell us how it went. I suggested he call Beanie since I know she's been biting her nails (I mean literally!) over this all day. And then she can let me know what's up. Besides, I just wasn't sure I was up to hearing Josh's voice over the phone tonight, especially when I'm dealing with these recent temptations. I am determined to stick with my vows, no matter how challenging it gets. I know it's for my best. I really do.
DEAR GOD, PLEASE, PLEASE HELP ME TO KEEP MY VOWS TO YOU. I HAVE THE GUT FEELING THAT I CAN'T DO THIS THING ON MY OWN. I'M AFRAID I MAY BE TOO WEAK. BUT I KNOW YOU'RE STRONG, GOD. SO, ONCE AGAIN, I GIVE YOU MY HEART. NOW PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR STRENGTH. AMEN.
Friday, August 3 (stretching time)
So this is how it goes, huh? I ask God to strengthen me in the area of being tempted by Josh and I end up spending the entire evening with him the following night. But let me explain.
First Beanie calls me at work today (which I try to keep short since I'm not supposed to take personal calls) and asks me if I can do something with her and Zach tonight. I say sure, I'd love to, but that I gotta go and hang up.
Then I get home, and there Josh is sitting on my porch drinking iced tea with Ben and my mom. He waves and smiles, and I ask what he's doing there, and he winks