It's My Life - Melody Carlson [3]
Of course, I get all indignant and say, “Just what do you mean by that?”
Then he sort of shrugs and says, “Well, it just seems a little un-Christian to go around half naked like that.”
Now that really makes me mad and I snap at him, “Sheesh, Josh, we've been working real hard here today, and we're just trying to be cool and comfortable, and all you can do is snipe at us!”
“Yeah, I know, Caitlin.” He suddenly looks slightly uneasy, like maybe he wishes he'd never brought this ridiculous subject up. And for some reason his discomfort pleases me a little. (Okay, you already know I'm human!)
Then he says, “But you should really think about us guys. You know, we're supposed to be your brothers.“Then he sort of laughs but not quite. “Maybe you sisters should have a little mercy on us.”
“So, are you suggesting our appearance creates some kind of a temptation for you?” asks Andrea in what seems a fairly flirtatious way (although she's just like that sometimes, and I don't think she even totally realizes how she comes across).
“Maybe,” says Josh, then he reaches over to me and flips the string tie that's keeping my bikini top on. “You know, I'd think you'd be especially uncomfortable with something like this, Catie. I mean, what with your commitment to sexual purity and all that stuff.”
Well, I'm sure my eyes must've flashed some sort of very un-Christianlike message right then, but somehow I managed to answer in a rather quiet, albeit hostile, tone. “Since when does what I wear in any way reflect my personal beliefs or convictions?”
He shrugs again. “I don't know, Catie. It just seems to me you're sending out some pretty weird mixed messages.” Then he walks away and starts coiling up the hoses.
Well, Andrea and I just stood there and laughed at him; then we took down the car wash signs, got into my car, and I drove off–fast. Because I was still irked. And all I could think was: The nerve of that guy! After all our hard work, all he could comment on was our unacceptable attire. Who does he think he is anyway, God's fashion police? I mean, grow up, Josh Miller! All of which I expressed to Andrea, but she just threw back her head and laughed. She hadn't taken one single word seriously. She just thought the whole thing was a joke.
But I really don't think Josh was joking. And to be completely honest, I must confess that he has actually got me to thinking about what he said. And I'm wondering if he might not be partially right about me sending those “mixed messages.” (Although I refuse to admit as much to him just yet.) And at the same time I still wonder, what right does he have to judge me in the first place?
I mean, is he trying to imply that just because I made a promise to God to remain sexually pure, that I should go around dressed like a nun or something? How fair is that? Why shouldn't I dress however I want? Last time I checked it was still my life. And if he's got a problem with my appearance, he can just look the other way! Can't he? Or maybe not. I'm not entirely sure anymore. But I guess I will consider what he said, and I'll try not to be too mad at him for saying it. I suppose he was just trying to be honest, even if he was pretty irritating and judgmental about it. And maybe I'll even ask Greg about all this tomorrow in youth group. Or maybe not.
Well, I do know this, I will ask God about it. Because, it's like Clay used to say–convictions are a personal thing–they need to come straight from God and directly to you–no middleman needed.
DEAR GOD, SHOW ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT THINGS LIKE STRING BIKINIS AND THE LIKE. AND SHOW ME HOW YOU WANT ME TO LIVE. AND THEN HELP ME TO BE WILLING TO OBEY. AMEN.
TWO
Sunday, July 15 (a little ranting)
As usual, I saved Beanie a seat next to me in youth group today. But when she came in, Andrea and I were in the middle of an intense conversation and so it might have appeared that I was ignoring Beanie, but I wasn't. Not consciously anyway.
Naturally, Beanie took offense (Aunt Steph says it has to do with her hormones